Review from seekingfullness.com
My Personal Experience
The worst thing about this incredible book by Timothy Keller is the book cover. It says in big letters: Forgive: Why Should I and How can I? I read most of it over a trip with several family members and lugging this book around with the cover on would have felt like having the words “I’m bitter” tattooed on my forehead. So, what did I do? I removed the book cover on the trip so people wouldn’t pry or know that I had a forgiveness problem… I know that’s pretty dramatic, but it’s a true story! All joking aside, I can’t recommend this book enough.
I bought this book specifically to help me work through a forgiveness issue in my own life. Reading this book isn’t a cure for forgiveness, but meditating over the principles and applying them help the process. Personally, it was a very therapeutic process for me to be reminded of gospel truths over and over and over again – it really was a practice of being “transformed by the renewing of (my) mind.” (Romans 12:2, NIV) I’m a living testimonial to the helpfulness of this book.
Who’s this Book for?
In short, for everyone. Judging the book by its cover (or the title) alone, it helps people understand why they should forgive and how to forgive. This means that the book is for just about every human being that has ever lived. If you haven’t wrestled with forgiveness yet, you eventually will.
And although his book was written from a Christian worldview, I still believe that several principles in the book would be helpful for anyone.
A Quick Overview
Keller uses the “Parable of the Unforgiving Servant” as his main biblical case study, definition, and guide to forgiving others. You can find this parable in Mathew 18:21-35. It’s an incredibly powerful short story that hits home to those struggling with unforgiveness.
Keller breaks the story up into four parts (1, p. 8-10):
(1) The King summoned the man indebted to him – he was “brought to him” (v. 24). By doing this, his crime/debt is made known. Keller says that – “Forgiveness starts with truth telling, with exposure rather than a cover-up of excuses or half-truths.” (p. 8)
(2) In spite of the offense, the king “took pity on him” (v. 24). In doing this, one needs to intentionally try to understand the person that has harmed you, their situation and their own vulnerabilities. I personally see this to be a form of empathy, taking into consideration their humanness, understanding that they are simply a sinner just like myself, and that I’d be capable of the same sins.
(3) Then the king “cancelled the debt” (v. 27). Keller says – “When the king forgave the debt, it means he absorbed the loss himself.” (p. 9)
Later he says “…in all situations, when wrong is done, there is always a debt, and there is no way to deal with it without suffering—either you make the perpetrator suffer for it or you forgive and suffer for it yourself. Either you make the debtor pay by hurting them until you feel things are even or you pay by forgiving and absorbing the pain within yourself. Forgiveness is always costly. It is emotionally very expensive—it takes much blood, sweat, and tears.” (p. 210).
Personally, I see this as the point where the rubber hits the road, as this tends to be the most difficult part for us to accept in the process of forgiveness. The truth is that canceling a debt isn’t fair. In the same way that it wasn’t fair that Christ died in my place unjustly for my sins and canceled my debt. We can’t receive total and complete forgiveness from God and then end up withholding forgiveness for others – this explans the king’s indignation in the story and Jesus’s harsh words at the end (v. 31-35).
(4) We see that the king “let him go” (v. 27). This points to how the king released him, restored the relationship and instead of continuing to treat him like a debtor, he restored him his rights.
Keller understands that people will wonder what part “justice” plays into all of this, but he clarifies that “…forgiving and pursuing justice must go hand in hand. In fact, if you don’t forgive a person, your justice seeking will likely veer into the territory of revenge.” (p. 9)
Keller give the topic of forgiveness an extensive treatment, as he writes about the different views on forgiveness and how this influences culture, the history of forgiveness and Christianity’s contribution, various theological arguments, practical advice and tips, and much more.
I’m barely scratching the surface here, but in my opinion, Keller does an excellent job on discussing forgiveness and how to go about it from a biblical perspective. It was very helpful for me personally. I highly recommend this book to anyone, especially those working through forgiveness issues in their own life.
Several Good Quotes
“…spiritually speaking, to not forgive somebody is to put yourself in a kind of jail…The self-centeredness that grows when you stay angry at somebody, when you hold things against them, when you continue to regard them as if they’re liable to you and they owe you, is a prison.” (p. 13)
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.” –Carrie Fisher (2, p.39)
“The sign that you have been forgiven is a heightened capacity for love, for gift giving, and for forgiving others. A lack of any sense of being forgiven leads to a lesser ability–or an inability–to extend grace or grant forgiveness to others.” (p. 66)
“…if you believe only in a God of love, you will live like a spoiled child, but if you believe only in a God of wrath, you will live like an abused child.” (p. 75)
“Self-pity looks like repentance, but it is self-absorption, and that is the essence of sin. Only if you see that you haven’t just broken God’s law but you have broken his heart, that you have dishonored and grieved him, do you begin to change.” (p. 147)
“The famous Dutch writer Corrie ten Boom would often say that when God throws our sins into the deepest sea, he puts up a sign: “No fishing!” God has dealt with your sins. Don’t go back to them to feel guilty about them all over. Go forward in love.” (3, p. 156)
Sources
(1) Timothy Keller, Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I? (New York: Viking, 2022).
(2) Carrie Fisher, The Best Awful: A Novel (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2005), 30. While is does appear in Fisher’s novel, there’s no consensus on who was the original author of the quote.
(3) Thomas R. Schreiner, “Luke,” in ESV Expository Commentary, vol. 8, ed. I. Duguid, J.M. Hamilton, and J. Sklar (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2021), 838.
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very poor quality
the description of book stated "good to very good" condition, I give it "poor", at best. It had a significantly broken spine, significant dent in edge of front cover and tear in jacket with tape. Box was not damaged so the book was sold in that poor condition.
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