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Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway Paperback – December 26, 2006
Are you afraid of making decisions . . . asking your boss for a raise . . . leaving an unfulfilling relationship . . . facing the future? Whatever your fear, here is your chance to push through it once and for all. In this enduring guide to self-empowerment, Dr. Susan Jeffers inspires us with dynamic techniques and profound concepts that have helped countless people grab hold of their fears and move forward with their lives. Inside you’ll discover
• what we are afraid of, and why
• how to move from victim to creator
• the secret of making no lose decisions
• the vital 10-step process that helps you outtalk the negative chatterbox in your brain
• how to create more meaning in your life
And so much more!
With insight and humor, Dr. Jeffers shows you how to become powerful in the face of your fears–and enjoy the elation of living a creative, joyous, loving life.
“Should be required for every person who can read! I recommend this book in every one of my seminars!”
–Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul
“It’s a must! The most practical guide to personal empowerment I have ever read. Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anywaygoes to number one on my recommended reading list.”
–Jordan Paul, Ph.D., co-author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?
“Living is taking chances, and Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway has helped so many people, both men and women, to achieve success.”
–Louise L. Hay, author of The Power Is Within You
- Print length214 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherBallantine Books
- Publication dateDecember 26, 2006
- Dimensions5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
- ISBN-109780345487421
- ISBN-13978-0345487421
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About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF . . . AND WHY?
I am about to teach another fear class. The classroom is empty. I am waiting for my new group of students to appear. My nervousness about teaching these classes disappeared a long time ago. Not only have I taught it many times, but I also know my students before I meet them. They are like the rest of us: all trying to do the best they can and all uncertain about whether they’re good enough. It never varies.
As the students enter the room, I can feel the tension. They sit as far apart from one another as possible, until the seats between must be filled because of lack of space. They don’t talk to one another, but sit nervously, expectantly. I love them for their courage to admit that their lives are not working the way they want them to work. And their presence in the class signifies that they are ready to do something about it.
I begin by going around the room asking each student to tell the rest of us what he or she is having difficulty confronting in life. Their stories unfold:
Don wants to change his career of fourteen years and follow his dreams of becoming an artist.
Mary Alice is an actress who wants to discover why she finds all kinds of excuses for not attending auditions.
Sarah wants to leave a marriage of fifteen years.
Teddy wants to get over his fear of aging. He is all of thirty-two.
Jean is a senior citizen who wants to confront her doctor; he treats her like a child and never gives her any straight answers.
Patti wants to expand her business, but can’t make the required leap to the next step.
Rebecca wants to confront her husband with things that have been bothering her.
Kevin wants to get over a fear of rejection that makes it very difficult to ask a woman for a date.
Laurie wants to know why she is unhappy when she has everything one could possibly want in life.
Richard is retired and feels useless. He fears his life is over.
And so it goes until everyone’s story is heard.
I’m fascinated with what happens during the go-around. As each person shares from the heart, the entire atmosphere begins to change. The tension quickly fades and relief is expressed on everyone’s face.
First, my students begin to realize that they are not the only ones in the world feeling afraid. Second, they begin to see how attractive people become as they open up and share their feelings. Long before the last person has spoken, a feeling of warmth and camaraderie pervades the room. They are strangers no more.
Although the backgrounds and situations of the class members vary greatly, it does not take long for the surface layers of their particular stories to disappear, opening the way for everyone to touch on a very human level. The common denominator is the fact that fear is keeping all of them from experiencing life the way they want to experience it.
The scenario above repeats itself in each fear class I teach. At this point you might be wondering how one course can accommodate all the diverse fears reported by the class members—their needs seem to be so varied. It’s true. They do seem varied until we dig a little deeper and look at the underlying cause of all their fears—and everyone else’s.
Fear can be broken down into three levels. The first level is the surface story, such as the ones described above. This level of fear can be divided into two types: those that “happen” and those that require action. Here is a partial list of Level 1 fears divided into these types:
Level 1 Fears
Those that “Happen”Those Requiring Action
AgingGoing back to school
Becoming disabledMaking decisions
RetirementChanging a career
Being aloneMaking friends
Children leaving homeEnding or beginning a
Natural disasters relationship
Loss of financial securityGoing to the doctor
ChangeAsserting oneself
DyingLosing weight
WarBeing interviewed
IllnessDriving
Level 1 Fears (continued)
Those that “Happen”Those Requiring Action
Losing a loved onePublic speaking
AccidentsMaking a mistake
RapeIntimacy
You might have a few you can add to the list. As I hinted earlier, you wouldn’t be alone if you said to yourself, “Some of the above” or even “All of the above.” There is a reason for this. One of the insidious qualities of fear is that it tends to permeate many areas of our lives. For example, if you fear making new friends, it then stands to reason that you also may fear going to parties, having intimate relationships, applying for jobs, and so on.
This is made clearer by a look at the second layer of fear, which has a very different feel from that of Level 1. Level 2 fears are not situation-oriented; they involve the ego.
Level 2 Fears
RejectionBeing conned
SuccessHelplessness
FailureDisapproval
Being vulnerableLoss of image
Level 2 fears have to do with inner states of mind rather than exterior situations. They reflect your sense of self and your ability to handle this world. This explains why generalized fear takes place. If you are afraid of being rejected, this fear will affect almost every area of your life—friends, intimate relationships, job interviews, and so on. Rejection is rejection—wherever it is found. So you begin to protect yourself, and, as a result, greatly limit yourself. You begin to shut down and close out the world around you. Look over the Level 2 list once again, and you will see how any one of these fears can greatly impact many areas of your life.
Level 3 gets down to the nitty-gritty of the issue: the biggest fear of all—the one that really keeps you stuck. Are you ready?
Level 3 Fear
I CAN’T HANDLE IT!
“That’s it? That’s the big deal?” you may ask. I know you’re disappointed and wanted something much more dramatic than that. But the truth is this:
AT THE BOTTOM OF EVERY ONE OF YOUR FEARS
IS SIMPLY THE FEAR THAT YOU CAN’T HANDLE
WHATEVER LIFE MAY BRING YOU.
Let’s test this. The Level 1 fears translate to:
I can’t handle illness.
I can’t handle making a mistake.
I can’t handle losing my job.
I can’t handle getting old.
I can’t handle being alone.
I can’t handle making a fool out of myself.
I can’t handle not getting the job.
I can’t handle losing him/her.
I can’t handle losing my money . . . etc.
The Level 2 fears translate to:
I can’t handle the responsibilities of success.
I can’t handle failure.
I can’t handle being rejected . . . etc.
Thus Level 3—simply, “I can’t handle it!”
The truth is:
IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD HANDLE ANYTHING
THAT CAME YOUR WAY,
WHAT WOULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO FEAR?
The answer is: nothing!
I know you are probably not jumping up and down for joy just yet, but believe me when I tell you that I have just given you a great piece of news. What I have just told you means you can handle all your fears without having to control anything in the outside world. This should be a tremendous relief. You no longer have to control what your mate does, what your friends do, what your children do, or what your boss does. You don’t have to control what happens at an interview, what happens at your job, what happens in your new career, what happens to your money, or what happens in the stock market.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS
TO DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY
TO HANDLE WHATEVER COMES YOUR WAY!
I am belaboring the point because it is so critical. From this moment on, every time you feel afraid, remind yourself that it is simply because you are not feeling good enough about yourself. Then proceed to use one or more of the tools in this book to help build yourself up. You have your task clearly mapped out for you. There is no reason for confusion.
I’ve often been asked to explain why we have so little trust in ourselves. I don’t really know the answer to that. I know that some fear is instinctual and healthy, and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest—the part that holds us back from personal growth—is inappropriate and destructive, and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning.
In all my life I have never heard a mother call out to her child as he or she goes off to school, “Take a lot of risks today, darling.” She is more likely to convey to her child, “Be careful, darling.” This “Be careful” carries with it a double message: “The world is really dangerous out there” . . . and . . . “you won’t be able to handle it.” What Mom is really saying, of course, is, “If something happens to you, I won’t be able to handle it.” You see, she is only passing on her lack of trust in her ability to handle what comes her way.
I can remember wanting desperately to have a two-wheel bicycle and my mother’s refusal to buy me one. Her answer to my pleas was always the same: “I love you too much. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” I translated this to mean: “You are not competent enough to handle a two-wheel bike.” Having become older and wiser, I realize now that she was really saying: “If anything happens to you, I will fall apart.”
This overprotective mother of mine was once in intensive care after serious surgery, with tubes down her nose and her throat. When I was told it was time for me to leave, I whispered in her ear—not knowing if she could hear me—that I loved her and would be back later. As I was walking toward the door, I heard a small, weak voice behind me saying—you guessed it—“Be careful.” Even in her anesthetic stupor, she was sending me admonitions of doom and gloom. And I know she typifies the great percentage of mothers out there. Considering how many “be careful”s our parents bombarded us with, it is amazing that we even manage to walk out the front door!
Apart from such seemingly obvious connections, the cause of our fear quite possibly lies elsewhere. But does it really matter where our self-doubts come from? I believe not. It is not my approach to analyze the whys and wherefores of troublesome areas of the mind. It is often impossible to figure out what the actual causes of negative patterns are, and even if we did know, the knowing doesn’t necessarily change them. I believe that if something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it.
In this case, you know that you don’t like the fact that lack of trust in yourself is stopping you from getting what you want out of life. Knowing this creates a very clear, even laserlike, focus on what needs to be changed. You don’t have to scatter your energy wondering why. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you begin now to develop your trust in yourself, until you reach the point where you will be able to say:
WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME, GIVEN ANY SITUATION,
I CAN HANDLE IT!
I can hear the doubting Thomases out there saying, “Oh, come on now, how do you handle paralysis, or the death of a child, or cancer?” I understand your skepticism. Remember that I was once a doubting Thomas myself. Just read on and let the book unfold. Give yourself a winning chance by using the tools provided throughout this book. As you do, you will find yourself coming closer and closer to such a high level of self-confidence that you will ultimately begin to realize that you can handle anything that comes your way. Never let these three little words out of your mind—possibly the three most important little words you’ll ever hear:
I’LL HANDLE IT!
Product details
- ASIN : 0345487427
- Publisher : Ballantine Books; 20th Anniversary edition (December 26, 2006)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 214 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780345487421
- ISBN-13 : 978-0345487421
- Item Weight : 6.7 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #172,713 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,210 in Self-Esteem (Books)
- #2,237 in Happiness Self-Help
- #3,443 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author
Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. (1938-2012), best known for her groundbreaking book, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway," was internationally renowned for her writing and speaking. She has helped millions of people all over the world to overcome their fears and heal the pain in their lives.
Susan wrote about herself and her experience of life. She kept no secrets from her readers, striving to create an honest and very personal connection with her audience. It was her boundless humanity and willingness to share openly about her own life that was the key to her enduring popularity and influence as a writer and teacher. Susan never lost her passion for learning and research. After she had her children, she went back to college and received her master's degree and doctorate in psychology from Columbia University.
Susan went on to write 16 more books in a prolific career as an author, educator, and motivational speaker. Today, her books are published in over 100 countries and in 38 languages, and her work continues to help millions of people to free themselves and enjoy a deeper, richer, happier life.
Her books have been published in over 100 countries and translated into over 36 languages. "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" is the book that launched her life-long career as one of the top self-help authors in the world.
For more information visit www.susanjeffers.com
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From my view, this is an outstanding book and every chapter thus far has provided valuable insights that I will be required to read again, then again and then again. I am not going to beat myself up, but this book has pinpointed so many of my areas of weakness that it is uncanny. The first read, which I am still navigating, provides the possibilities and the hope. I see I can improve and grow….but I have to reiterate that you will need to read this book over and over to continue burning the concepts in….it is work.
Given all of that, I would say this is the best book of analysis and self-help I personally have read and I have read A LOT! I say that because I differentiate between platitudes and straight talk and actionable skills to learn. There are many “cheerleading” books and those also are valuable….and there is some cheerleading in this book as well, but there is also a heck of a lot of straight talk and actionable content.
I certainly don’t like some parts of the book - for instance the part accepting of leaving children while one goes back to school. I don’t know what age the children were so there could be some conjecture on my part, but if an individual wants children, my take is that a parent needs to be there for 18 years….sure, when they are 18 then go back and grow and make the world your stage.
I can’t recommend this book enough even after only half of it - and I will be reading this one in Perpetuity….a confident 5 out of 5 stars.
Thank You Dr Jeffers for a brilliant work….
I had a pretty unique life, I lived with my mother, we moved a lot, I was sexually abused by one of very few male figures in my life...I never had many friends (we moved too much for me to get close to people), & my mother was emotionally unavailable. To this day she is not emotionally available, but I accept her as she is, & that took years to learn how to do...the point of me putting my life story out there is because no one in my life cared about me, in any way shape or form. My mom couldn't wait for me to get married, she just about signed for me to marry my then 21 year old boyfriend when I was 15, because I think she could not wait to get rid of me, her "burden" off of her chest. So, when I did finally get married a few years ago, I thought my life's mission was accomplished, I was married, that was what I was supposed to do in my life, if I ever wanted my mother to be proud of me...
I was never around anyone in my life that told me "feel the fear, & do it anyway", no one said "you can do this, keep going forward"...I didn't have that. I feel like I was raising myself, I raised myself emotionally, I gave myself pep-talks to be able to make it through new schools a few new ones every year, stomach aches of worry when my mom would be freaking out, concerned about bills or whatever else she had going on in her life... Severe neglect, that's what I'd say my life was. I had maybe 2 friends through my entire school career, real friends, that is. And, we moved so much, I never even kept in touch. Anyway, the point is, that when you grow up without someone there telling you that you can do whatever you want, you can be whatever you want, you are great, you are amazing, even amazing people get scared...you don't assume those things. I have had irrational fears, sooooooooooooo many, I was scared of the dark, scared of Michael Myers (as if this fictional character was going to come after me...seriously, I was afraid he was, I know it probably sounds so ridiculous to the average person, but I've been to therapy, these fears come from trauma & basically the things I went through growing up)...sometimes I never thought I'd be able to get past all of the fears that crippled me. I've been wanting to go back to school, & get my degree, but school was very hard for me, I am anti-social, & going to school was traumatizing in itself for me, with all that was going on in the background of my life, school was just as torturous to me...I never had any friends, I wasn't the cool kid, I ate lunch alone a lot...it was awful.
I signed up to go to school a few years ago, I made it to the parking lot that first day, burst into tears...turned around & went home...cried for hours, nearly committed suicide...these feelings run very deep, & it's hard to move forward when there is so many painful memories of the past.
Anyway, with this book, I feel like I'm very close to being able to have the courage to go back. I think a few more times of listening to this book, & I'll actually be able to do it. But overall, this book makes me less afraid of life. That again is probably not what most people want this book for, but me not being afraid of life, that is monumental, I was afraid that I was not a real person/woman without being married or a wife, the one thing I'd idolized my whole life (I was taught to), to be married. I survived, & everyday is a new day & journey, & you never know where life might take you. I feel great when I read this book, I'll keep reading, whenever I have something I want to achieve, I will read it again - this is a timeless book, & I'm thankful I found it.
Top reviews from other countries
Susan Jeffers' writing style is incredibly accessible. She communicates complex concepts in a clear and relatable manner, making it easy for readers to connect with the material.
The book does an excellent job of breaking down the fear and indecision that hold us back. Susan Jeffers' insights provide a fresh perspective, helping us understand and confront our fears head-on.
What sets this book apart is the array of practical tools and techniques it offers. These actionable steps empower readers to turn fear into confidence and take meaningful action in their lives.
Since reading "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway," I have delved into other works by Susan Jeffers, and her wisdom continues to resonate with me. Her books have played a pivotal role in helping me combat my fears and grow as an individual.
Overall, "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" is a life-changing read. It equips you with the mindset and tools to confront your fears, turning them into opportunities for personal growth and empowerment. Susan Jeffers' work is truly transformative, and I highly recommend it to anyone seeking to overcome their fears and take charge of their life. It's a five-star book that has made a profound impact on my journey towards confidence and action.
I have seen reviews from people that this book have helped them with anxiety.
Well, I guess some people don’t really know what anxiety is then. Yet I would say, I am a person that does not have severe anxiety.
This book has only two chapters about anxiety and one good exercise. Then, the book goes many different places.
This book felt more like help for people, who would love to do something in their life but nobody told them they could. If you have anxiety, you know it ain’t that simple.
ALSO!
This book has this kind of victim blaming/ telling you to not be mad/sad/ in despair attitude. There is a quote about, how if your friend is always late it is your problem you, you are choosing to be mad. Also there is an exercise that if you are mad about your situation, you should sit and imagine yourself feeling good about this situation.
Sin embargo, este libro te lleva a ello y te explica las cosas con un lenguaje práctico y acertado.