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We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead. Paperback – April 1, 2018

by Pat Schwiebert (Author), Taylor Bills (Illustrator)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 497 ratings
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From the author of "When Hello Means Goodbye." Created especially for children who are suffering the loss of their families pregnancy.
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  1. Reading age
    2 - 6 years, from customers
  2. Print length
    22 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Dimensions
    10 x 0.1 x 7 inches
  5. Publisher
    Grief Watch
  6. Publication date
    April 1, 2018
  7. ISBN-10
    0972424113
  8. ISBN-13
    978-0972424110
  9. See all details
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Grief Watch; 5th edition (April 1, 2018)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 22 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0972424113
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0972424110
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 2 - 6 years, from customers
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 4.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 10 x 0.1 x 7 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 497 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Pat Schwiebert

    Pat Schwiebert

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    With more than thirty years of experience working with grieving individuals and groups, Pat is proud to be the founder and executive director of Grief Watch. Pat is the author of many books, including Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss, We Were Gonna Have a Baby...But Had An Angel Instead, When Hello Means Goodbye, and has created a number of other resources to help those who are grieving. To learn more about Pat and her organization visit www.griefwatch.com.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Taylor Bills

    Taylor Bills

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Taylor Bills is a freelance illustrator originating from Tennessee. Taylor has developed his brand of illustration and concept art for publishing, product promotions, advertising and media entertainment content for a variety of clients for the last 25 years. Taylor lives with his wife and kids in Murfreesboro and has most recently partnered with his wife Lisa to develop some original stories and learning publications that are illustration-driven.

    You can visit Taylor’s online gallery at illustrationplanet.com to see more of his work.

    See more on the author's page
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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
497 global ratings
Wasn’t right for us
2 Stars
Wasn’t right for us
A sweet book that definitely had good intentions, but ultimately left me feeling unfulfilled. First, the book discusses the loss of a baby much further along - like 20 or 24 weeks at least - and I lost my baby at 9 weeks, so it felt like it didn’t apply. It also had pages that talked about Mom and Dad being upset sometimes, like Mommy crying in the rocking chair, which wasn’t true for our situation and didn’t apply; I also didn’t think it was appropriate for kids. And the last page didn’t end on a hopeful note or anything - just ended. Probably super validating for someone depressed and wants their feelings to be recognized, but I wanted something a little more hopeful and encouraging for my kids. Didn’t end the way I wanted my kids to feel.
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Top reviews from the United States

Allison Scroggins
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for explaining stillbirth to young children in age appropriate way
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2021
Verified Purchase
I bought this book for my 2 living children after my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks. I think that this book was great for our specific situation. My oldest, 4, was very excited about a new baby and was following my pregnancy closely.

I have been reading all of these reviews about how morbid and harsh the story is. I have to disagree. I think the ending of the story is very real and depicts exactly how a kid would feel in this situation. The last page says “I wish we had a baby instead”. Kids have very big emotions and trying to wrap up a stillbirth with some peppy, positive, upbeat ending wouldn’t be right. Having this book as a tool to help explain what happened to our kids was helpful. It helped us word our conversation in a way that was age appropriate, without forcing feelings on them or not allowing them to feel the sadness of what happened. Absolutely would recommend.
13 people found this helpful
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C.S.
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect book for a difficult time!
Reviewed in the United States on July 30, 2015
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I had a stillborn son in 2011 and my older son has autism and couldn't understand why mommy never had the baby in her tummy and he would as me when the baby was going to come home. We got this book as a way to explain to our son who was five at the time that God needed his baby brother and that he would always watch over us. The book was written in a very thoughtful manner and the pictures are very appropriate. Years later our book is still in perfect condition and I still shed tears as I read it. We have now gone on to have our rainbow and plan on getting him another book from this series so that he understands when he gets older that he has another brother in heaven.
5 people found this helpful
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Kate
5.0 out of 5 stars Good loss book for young siblings
Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2020
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I purchased this book for my sister who lost her daughter and has another daughter that is 4. I too have lost a child but didnt have any living kids and heard in my loss community that this was great for kids especially younger ones who dont understand what death is quite yet.
I've seen a few low reviews and I wanted to say something.
For kids who are young example 4 ,they take things literally. If you were to say your baby was sleeping that passed away to your little child they will think they will just wake up one day and come home. They might even develope sleep issues. Death is unfortunately a part of life and babies do unfortunately die. All though that is so so heartbreaking and sad we have to let them know it's okay to be sad but thay the baby did die.
17 people found this helpful
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Marie
5.0 out of 5 stars Good for my 5 year old
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2022
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I am grateful this book was written. It is helping my 5 year old son through his grief over loosing his brother. When we told him my own heart broke all over again to see him in so much pain. Just like in the book my son would talk to his baby brother. He would even hug my tummy and tell him he love him. There are so little resources for children in dealing with infant loss. I am glad this book exists to help my son during this time in our lives.
10 people found this helpful
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Julia K. Stewart
1.0 out of 5 stars Great start.... horrible finish
Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2007
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A friend of mine just lost her son to a stillbirth. I suffered the same fate two and a half years ago. I didn't buy the book for myself then, but due to the glowing reviews I purchased it for my friend.

The book starts out wonderful. A little boy(which I guess could pass for a girl) talks about how they were going to have a baby. He talks about his mommas tummy and how he and his parents had talked about all the fun they were going to have with the new baby.

The middle part is good too. It shows the parents being sad. The mom looking at baby stuff and the dad out in the garage working on a memory box. They show them crying. The little boy talks about how sad it is and how he thinks his parents are sadder than he is.

At one point the boys says that his grandmother told him that although the baby is not with us physically, the baby will always be in our heart.

To me this is where the book should end. It shows the baby as an angel looking down on the family. It is a nice, logical place to end.

BUT - there are a few more pictures of everyone crying, and more talk about how horrible the whole thing is ( which it IS... but this is a book for preschoolers... we don't want them to be frightened).

The last page of the book has a picture of the parents walking slumped over with their heads down in grief, crying pulling a cart (where I am assuming the baby was supposed to be)the little boy walks next to them and the final line states "it would have been much more fun to have a baby".

To me (although this statement is true) is not a good way to end a book that is to be read over and over again, during different stages of grief. At first this tone might sit well with the immediate greif and helplessness feeling... but over time it may bring the reader down, instead of teaching the child/reader that there is hope in the long run.
163 people found this helpful
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JNS
4.0 out of 5 stars Great book for a sad time.
Reviewed in the United States on July 20, 2008
Verified Purchase
I'm not much for angels and have taken very little solace in the "your baby is an angel now" way of thinking since I just don't believe that's what happens. However, I do believe that my baby is with Jesus. I was unsure of this book because of the title, but it turned out to be the perfect little picture book for us. The baby is pictured with wings and called an angel, but my kids took it to mean that our baby, Hazel, is in heaven with Jesus. This book is short, probably best for young (2-6) children. Another reviewer mentioned she didn't like the book because it ended on a sad note "I think a baby would have been more fun" with sad faces all around. But you know what? Having a child born still is sad all around. I'm sad, my husband's sad, my other children are sad. If the book had ended on a "happily ever after" note, I would have disregarded it. My children are sad. They relate to this little boy, who still has fun playing with his toys and going for walks, but also is also sad, sad, sad.
34 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Michelle
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful book for toddlers
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 6, 2020
Verified Purchase
Our son and girlfriend had a stillborn and this book explained it beautifully to the four year old sibling. He likes it being read often and has helped them talk about their little girl as a family, with no awkwardness.
3 people found this helpful
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Victoria
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book
Reviewed in Australia on December 10, 2022
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Good book
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n
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended
Reviewed in Canada on April 22, 2015
Verified Purchase
An excellent book to explain to little ones about the loss of a sibling at or before birth.
Bought one for myself which I later gave to a friend when our nurse gave us one as a gift after the death of our daughter at 38w gestation. The wording is straight forward for little ones. It may seem a bit harsh when it says "the baby died" but that is the truth and I simply say , "the baby couldn't stay" or something along those lines when it comes to that page. The book isn't religious , but the baby is depicted as an angel. This is how we explain to our son why other people have their babies and we do not. "We had an angel instead."
I think it is such a great book to have for those little inquiring minds and parents alike to help make sense of a senseless, raw and devastating situation.
One person found this helpful
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Felix & Chewy
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful for helping kids with their grief
Reviewed in Canada on August 20, 2021
Verified Purchase
This is a book you wish you didn’t need. That being said, it is helpful for helping kids deal with grief in the loss of a sibling baby. There is a page at the ends with tips for parents in helping their kids as well. We had this for my 4 year old and she still likes to look at it 3 years later. I bought for a gift of someone going through the same thing. 💜
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for both parents and children
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 23, 2017
Verified Purchase
An excellent book for explaining miscarriage to young children. The story is simple and told from the point of view of a young child. The baby angel on every page (similar to Usbourne's yellow duck) after the baby dies in the story is a lovely touch. This book helped me a huge amount, as well as helping my children come to terms with the loss of their unborn sibling this summer.
2 people found this helpful
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