Are you in need of a deeply engrossing, exquisitely written true story—one you’re likely to always remember? Okay, I’ve just read Linda Appleman Shapiro’s “She’s Not Herself: A Psychotherapist’s Journey Into and Beyond Her Mother’s Mental Illness.” A mesmerizing book that flows swiftly and places the reader inside the writer’s rooms, heart, and life. Enter Linda’s world and I believe you’ll find a profoundly moving experience whose core themes can speak each day—to each of us.
Lights on, lights off! ... Lights on, lights off! ... Lights on ... and would they ever be turned on again? Was anything about her life ever remotely predictable? While she vividly remembers the pervasive, intense darkness that all-too-frequently invaded the rooms of her early life, she instinctively swung open all light-filled windows, and at any given opportunity!
Yes, early memories and the confluence of circumstances that produce our history stays deep within us all—a constant companion. And so, our past presses hard on our future. Where do we go from there? This has been Appleman Shapiro’s raison d’etre. She has spent a complex lifetime and a professional career delving into and discovering truths that maximize the chances of attaining healthy, loving relationships, and creative self-expression.
She might easily have been defeated and warped by her childhood and early life experiences. Yet, what combination of elements: dna, lovingly caring but overwhelmed parents, chance encounters, mentors, natural talents, instinct and perseverance, and encouraging, loving people within her midst—along with Psychotherapy, allowed her to NOT just survive—but to soar above all the unspoken secrets, confusions and distortions—born out of her mother’s mental illness?
Herb, six years older than Linda and away at Harvard, had guilt about his sister’s facing the quixotic and isolated atmosphere of their home without him. A home where Linda was called upon by her stalwart father to play the role of her mother’s gentle caregiver—whenever darkness struck. Herb had provided the music, the songs, the wonderful tales, the laughter. An exceedingly bright young man, a budding playwright, her handsome prince and protector, now resided in another kingdom—a rarified new world, far away from Bklyn, NY. He is gone—but determines that 11-year-old Linda’s world must be expanded, and he has a prescription. He wants his sister to be given “Culture” (life-sustaining oxygen) along with New People and New Experiences beyond The Brooklyn Bridge. He doggedly campaigns, he implores his parents, and finally convinces them that Linda would greatly benefit from taking Acting Classes at The Dramatic Workshop in the Capital Theater on B’way, NY!
Herb was right. Immediately, there were sociable, non-stop talking and laughing new friends—two who would be Linda’s friends forever. As a former student at the Dramatic Workshop, I can vouch for the intense and colorful atmosphere that permeated the place. I remember a warm and exuberant Linda back then, but knew nothing of her Secret Family Life. Besides, she had entered Saturday Wonderland. The Dramatic Workshop was founded by Erwin and Maria Ley Piscator. Erwin Piscator was creator of Europe’s famed, “Epic Theater.” Yes, all the world’s a stage, and Linda’s acting teacher, Madame Piscator exuded IT with every breath, utterance, grand gesture and swing of her ever-present black velvet tasseled cape. And her Lady-In-Waiting, the school’s diminutive administrator, always appeared for HER Saturday performance, crowned with a green felt hat that was topped with a grand high-rising feathered plume. She called herself “Countess Tolstoy.” But beyond the magic and theatrics of the place, Madame Piscator was an inspiring director who encouraged and noticed Linda’s natural talent in character analysis and her skill in “the give-and-take” during Improvisations and Scene Study class. The lessons learned on Saturdays left their imprint and Linda has never stopped observing, listening, caring, and giving.
With dignity and yes, with love—she vividly remembers the confusing maze of her parents’ lives. As a college student, she set out to chart and create her own map and nurture her own free and distinctive course. Inhaling the splendor of the Berkshires in Bennington, Vermont—string quartets and college-life regularly reached Symphonic Heights. Here was a place where dancers flew and literature, music, theater, art, poetry and “individuality” reigned! The Atmospheric Conditions forged close friendships and a first love came into Linda’s life. A long, complicated and sometimes secret relationship with a gifted choreographer developed, and though he left newly picked, exquisite bouquets of flowers at her door, he ultimately brought too much confusion into her life. She learned a great deal at Bennington.
Starting life anew, working and living in NYC, she regularly attended sessions with an excellent psychologist. Two and a half years passed and she experienced a “SOME ENCHANTED EVENING” moment and met “across a crowded B’way Theater Lobby,” a handsome stranger—a talented actor, George Guidall, who would soon become her soul- and life-mate. Neither had EVER “blind-dated” but a mutual friend, their Super-Intuitive Matchmaker KNEW, and quite immediately, so did they. If you’re an audio-book-listener, you probably already know George. He is the acclaimed actor-narrator of more than 1200 books and the Voice and Being of uncountable characters.
The goal of finding and giving love and understanding is a constant theme. Her husband, daughters and grandchildren, her extended family and friends know well the depths of her empathetic, loving commitment to them. Despite her mother’s frequent hauntings and battles with the psychological demons in her midst, it was she who wisely knew her daughter’s great strengths and suggested she attend graduate school. And thus, Linda became the kind of devoted psychotherapist who gives generously of her intelligence and humanistic instincts. She possesses an illuminated clock with a most distinctive feature—one whose time always defers to her patient’s needs.
Linda Appleman Shapiro—psychotherapist, writer, oral historian, has written a keepsake. “She’s Not Herself,” her beautiful memoir, draws and engulfs the reader into the life-affirming core of her world—like a movie that stays with you and you can’t forget. (HBO, are you there?)
FYI: It’s on her site, and I checked out a Canadian Radio interview with Appleman Shapiro. Here’s an intriguing, spontaneous conversation with a magnificent author and psychotherapist. An introduction to an extraordinary human being who knows much about life and all it can be!
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Top reviews from other countries
RPR
Gripping, courageous, and honest
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 25, 2015DonPin61
Objective or Subjective - what's your standpoint?
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 29, 2015Elizabeth
Beautifully written and very moving. Thank you.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 24, 2015