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Strong like Water: Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things--and Experience True Flourishing Paperback – March 21, 2023

4.9 4.9 out of 5 stars 307 ratings

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There's a cost to being a certain kind of strong.

When it comes to difficult circumstances, we've all heard the platitudes: "No pain, no gain." "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But if we spend our lives trying to be "the strong one," we become exhausted, burned-out, and disconnected from our truest God-given selves.

What if it were different? Could there be a different way to be strong? Could strength mean more than pushing on and pushing through pain, bearing every heavy burden on our own? What if, instead, true strength were more like the tide: soft and bold, fierce and gentle, moving together as one powerful force?

In
Strong like Water, author and trauma therapist Aundi Kolber offers a framework for true flourishing. With each page, you'll:
 
  • Learn how your nervous system shapes your experience so that we can move through pain instead of being stuck in it.
  • Explore various practices, rhythms, and resources to support you in challenging circumstances with compassion and hope.
  • Discover how to internalize connection, love, and safety―empowering you with greater resilience.

A different, more expansive way of healing, wholeness, and possibly―
especially―strength is possible. We were made to be strong like water.
Read more Read less

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From the Publisher

 Aundi Kolber (Try Softer) offers a new definition of strength: one that is full of compassion.

Dr. Alison Cook (Boundaries for Your Soul and The Best of You) endorses Strong Like Water.

 Are you pretending to be a version of strong that is leaving you burnt out? Be strong like water.

Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius Way) endorses Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolber.

Emily P. Freeman (The Next Right Thing podcast) endorses Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolber.

 What if the truest strength is as expansive as the tide; the fierce and gentle elements together?

 Morgan Harper Nichols, artist and writer, endorses Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolber.

 Don't believe that strength looks only like denying ourselves at every turn.

The Strong Like Water Guided Journey Try Softer The Try Softer Guided Journey
Customer Reviews
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Price $11.69 $12.99 $8.99

Editorial Reviews

Review

In this inspiring entry, counselor Kolber (Try Softer) encourages readers to redefine their notions of emotional strength. At 22, Kolber writes, she was standing in the crashing waves of the Pacific, distraught after breaking off an engagement and quitting her first postcollege job, when a sudden awareness of God’s love helped her find peace. Inspired to forgo rigid notions of strength, she decided to become “strong like water”―a concept that was “rooted in a foundation of love,” and allowed her to be both “soft and bold.” Kolber aims to help readers achieve such a strength through improved self-knowledge and “compassionate” emotional resources. To that end, she explains situational strength, which can “outwardly appear to carry you through stressful situations,” but creates long-term anxiety, and “transitional strength,” which promotes healing through “repatterning” trauma responses. She provides an explainer on how the nervous system processes stress, showing that shifting from “fight-flight-fawn” mode to a “window of tolerance” state enables mental flexibility. Finally, she recommends cultivating “compassionate resources” such as inner trust (finding a “soft landing place” in oneself) and emotional flexibility. Kolber offers a healing approach that’s compassionate and personal, yet still grounded in practical psychology. Many self-help readers will find value here. Publishers Weekly

Review

In Strong like Water, Aundi Kolber emerges as one of the most trusted and approachable voices at the intersection of faith, trauma, and body-centered therapy. The practices alone are worth reading this excellent, well-researched, heartfelt book. Emily P. Freeman, author and host of The Next Right Thing podcast

Strong like Water is a beautiful gift for anyone who has felt like they have to stay strong to survive. With wisdom drawn from her own story and her clinical expertise, Aundi Kolber reimagines strength as a dance of tenacity and tenderness, of holding tight and of learning to release. This brave and insightful journey through resilience is a revelation―one that honors both the grit it takes to survive and the compassion it takes to heal. Dr. Alison Cook, psychologist and author of The Best of You and Boundaries for Your Soul

The process of navigating hard things is not a linear path for any of us, but with clarity, resources, research, and the deepest wells of compassion, Aundi lends her heart and expertise as she guides us through this road map of healing and discovery in her latest offering.
Strong like Water contains truths that ultimately lead us back to ourselves and the ever-present reminder that God has and always will be with us on our journey of becoming more beautifully human in the midst of adversity. This is a book I need now and will surely return to as often as necessary. Patricia A. Taylor, writer and anti-racism educator

I’ve never had such a personally moving, healing, and formative experience while reading a book. Aundi offers wisdom on every page as well as practices for your mind, heart, body, and soul that will help guide you through pain and that embody what true flourishing and resilience are all about.
Steve Carter, pastor and author of The Thing Beneath the Thing

I was deeply moved reading
Strong like Water and felt comfort and confidence from Aundi’s practical, compassionate words. The work of healing and integration often feels heavy, like it’s easier left undone, but Strong like Water adds direction, lightness, and hope to a worthwhile journey. Kendra Adachi, New York Times bestselling author of The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen

Strong like Water is a trustworthy guide away from fear and into the safe embrace of love, where healing resides. I will carry Aundi’s words into the corners of my everyday life―as a neighbor, parent, spouse, and friend. This book is for the hurting, the rattled, the stuck, the numb; which is to say, it’s for each one of us. All is not lost. The gentle way of hope awaits. Shannan Martin, author of Start with Hello and The Ministry of Ordinary Places

In a culture full of conflicting messages about the value of strength, where to find it, and how to use it,
Strong like Water is both an anchor and a lighthouse. Aundi’s book is full of gentle, resourceful tools and generously offered stories. What a gift this book is for all the weary souls who aren’t sure if they have what it takes or what they need, or are afraid of what they might find within themselves. Tasha Jun, author of Tell Me the Dream Again

With careful thought and gentle intention, Aundi is a trusted guide who distills what she’s learned as a trauma-informed therapist. If you’re feeling like you’re holding the weight of the world, this book will speak to your soul, offer needed resources, and invite you into the sacred work of healing.
Kayla Craig, author of To Light Their Way

Aundi shows a way beyond “toughing it out” and “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and it’s a gentle and self-compassionate approach. Ultimately, it’s the way of Jesus, and Aundi is a wonderful guide into it.
Chuck DeGroat, PhD., Lpc, professor of pastoral care and Christian spirituality, interim DMin director, Western Theological Seminary

Strong like Water beautifully acknowledges the courage that survival requires and offers practical tools to move from simply coping to gaining embodied strength. Over your own deep waters, Kolber’s voice will rise as a wise and gentle guide, calling forth your inner strength and testifying to God’s redeeming love. Clarissa Moll, author of Beyond the Darkness

Strong like Water is such a timely book as so many of us deal with the pressure of needing to be the “strong one” in one way or another. This book is an encouraging guide that will help you gracefully navigate the many experiences of life that call for strength. Morgan Harper Nichols, artist and writer

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Tyndale Refresh (March 21, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1496454715
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1496454713
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.1 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.75 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.9 4.9 out of 5 stars 307 ratings

About the author

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Aundi Kolber
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Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor (MA, LPC) and best selling author of the critically acclaimed "Try Softer" as well as her new book "Strong like Water." She has received additional training in her specialization of trauma- and body-centered therapies and is passionate about the integration of faith and psychology. Aundi regularly speaks at local and national events, and she has appeared on podcasts such as The Lazy Genius with Kendra Adachi, Typology, That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, and The Next Right Thing with Emily P. Freeman. As a survivor of trauma, Aundi brings hard-won knowledge about the work of change, the power of redemption, and the beauty of experiencing God with us in our pain.

Connect with Aundi at aundikolber.com, on Instagram at @aundikolber, and on Twitter at @aundikolber

Customer reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars
4.9 out of 5
307 global ratings
So good I bought several!
5 Stars
So good I bought several!
This one is a keeper! So glad Aundi wrote another book after Try Softer. Strong Like Water has helped me connect all the dots, to make better sense out of what I’ve been experiencing with my own autonomic nervous system. Don’t you love a book that helps you make new meaning of what you’re going through? And it’s one that offers practical steps to try and apply right away to make changes that leave you feeling more resilient, more confident in your own skin, and more grounded. This book has offered a gift of real inner-awakening. It gave me names, vocabulary and language for talking about the feelings and challenges I’m facing. That alone is a HUGE GIFT, and yet there are so many more laced throughout the pages of this book. Breakthrough. Major shifts. Healing. These are the words that come to me as I reflect on Strong Like Water. I’m so thankful for the treasure that Aundi has released into the world by way of her writing.Also, if you know anyone who struggles with sudden sensory-neural hearing loss, single sided deafness or other vestibular and/or sensory issues like hyperacusis and sound sensitivity, this book could be a game changer for them too. It’s taught me new tools to keep in my toolkit as on-the-go resources to grab anytime that sense of flooding and overwhelm begins to rise up within. I had no idea how much my life would be impacted by hearing loss and readjusting to sounds through a cochlear implant, but my nervous system is the blessed recipient of strategies gleaned from Strong Like Water. I'd give Aundi Kolber a giant hug if I ever got the chance, because her book has given me new hope that I hadn't thought was possible till now. Thank you, Aundi!#gamechanger #transformative
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2023
I was so excited to pick up Aundi Kolber's second book, Strong Like Water. In this book, she expands on themes from her first book (Try Softer) and encourages her readers to go deeper with strength to become your truest self. That self is not unaffected by past pain and trauma, but rather seeks growth and change through it.

Like her first book, Strong Like Water pair solid psychological research with Christian truth and values. While I can't say that I agree with every Biblical interpretation the author makes, I feel like her point comes across well - the God who loves us wants to see us healed. He wants to heal us and help us move from "situational strength" (a strength that helps us survive stressful circumstances) to "transitional strength" where we live to our fullest potential, who we were created to be. It is in this transitional strength that we can truly love your neighbor and work for change in the world. A person living from a place of transitional strength is grounded and present and alive, even in hard situations.

This book is written in a voice of love and compassion, from a person who has been there both in her own life as well as alongside others in her therapy practice as they have walked through very real challenges in life. It is well written, and easy to read, yet important to savor. The exercises and practices that are suggested at the end of each chapter seem very useful as well as stepping stones to growth.

Though it may sound like it, this is not a quick fix self help book. It is also not a book that encourages picking yourself up by your bootstraps or "arriving" at some mythical end point on the road to personal change or better mental health. It is a book that recognizes growth and change is a journey, not a destination. (I don't mean to sound cheesy, alas.) I appreciated that Aundi used many personal anecdotes to illustrate the trajectory of change in her own life. Though she did include (highly edited) client stories, I felt her personal illustrations made the book very relatable and real - but I am of a similar demographic to her from what I know via social media (a white Christian woman in my late 30s living in an upper middle class setting). Though the author is not a person of color, she does include some points about ongoing racial trauma, and from following her on social media, I believe advocacy in that realm is important to her. I mention this not because it is a focal point, but because it is brought up several times throughout the book.

I highly recommend this book, and am sure I will return to it again in the future.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the eARC. All opinions are my own.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2023
Aundi Kolber has done it again—I can’t recommend this book enough! I believe in Aundi’s work with my whole heart. In her new book, she shares insightful, well-researched wisdom from her wealth of knowledge as a therapist & from her experience as someone healing from her own childhood trauma. With tons of credible sources, her teaching is accessible and easy to understand.
 
Aundi shares connections to her faith journey & understanding of scripture. I’m cautious with therapists who use a lot of Christian language (I’ve seen how it can be used in harmful ways in counseling), but I have found Aundi to be a safe and trustworthy voice. Her work (including her first book, Try Softer) has been deeply personally meaningful to me in my journey of healing and self-compassion.
 
The 1st part of the book is about embodied wisdom, which explores “The Cost of Being (a Certain Kind of) Strong,” the nervous system, and the need for safety. In the 2nd part, she shares “Compassionate Resources & Rhythms for Becoming Strong Like Water,” the importance of concepts like connection, inner trust, goodness, & emotional flexibility. I love her description of how the nervous system works & the concept of the window of tolerance, which has helped me understand times when I felt a bit “stuck” in therapy. The teaching on the 3 types of strength (situational, transitional, & integrated) fits in well with Enneagram work.
 
I connected with Aundi on social media a while before her 1st book was released. She is consistently wise, compassionate, gently invitational, & empowering. She has an appreciation for the nuance & complexity involved in healing from trauma. Her books are both perfect for book club discussions or to discuss further with a therapist. Buy it, read it, share it, live it!
8 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on March 27, 2023
Prior to reading Aundi's book, "Try Softer", most of the resources I had been exposed to on trauma were either very clinical or dry, leaving out any type of compassionate language for the reader. To say that book was life-changing is an understatement. As a survivor of both complex family trauma in my childhood and in my marriage, "Try Softer", finally gave me language for all that I had experienced along with a huge dose of compassion. I still remember with tears the first time I read Aundi addressing us readers as "dear ones". Such incredible healing!

With much anticipation I looked forward to "Strong Like Water" and was able to have early access to the audiobook. It's even better than I expected, packed full of gentle and kind language, practical tools and real-life examples. I especially appreciate how Aundi talks about healing as a journey, not a finish line to be crossed, a great encouragement to me as I find myself wading through many heartbreaking life situations. The exercises at the end of the chapters and helpful notes throughout are such a huge bonus.

More than just a helpful book, "Strong Life Water" is a go-to manual on how to move through trauma with gentleness and care for our whole body and not simply push through to get to the other side. I love the honest language she uses which makes her so relatable. While the book contains clinical terminology, Aundi does an incredible job of explaining in such a way that breaks things down in understandable ways.

Trauma has often caused me to hang on fiercely for dear life in hypervigilant mode. The resources and language of "Strong Like Water" are teaching me that there is another way. The way of receiving care and compassion for myself, for all the hard places. It's opening me up to take safe refuge in God in new ways. This book is beautiful and life giving. Celebrating you and your work Aundi. "Strong Like Water" is a healing masterpiece!
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Top reviews from other countries

Sieglinde May
5.0 out of 5 stars Another Compassionate Resource from Aundi Kolber
Reviewed in Canada on March 21, 2023
Listening to Aundi's new work Strong Like Water, I felt embraced with compassion and kindness.

I am thankful to learn that I can have both strength and softness. I do not have to stay in the situational strength which has helped me survive in the past. I can recognize my transitional strength as I continue to try softer and learn to develop integrated strength.

In Strong Like Water, Aundi presents the neuroscience to equip us with understanding, and she gives many lived experiences to help us relate as we lean into the work of our own healing.

Throughout her work there are many exercises to practically apply - always with the reminder to the reader to be safe and work at the pace that is right for them.

Listening to this work I have felt seen and beloved!

I will be rereading at a much slower pace and will keep this excellent resource right with Try Softer as I continue my living one moment at a time.
One person found this helpful
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Rachel Joyce
5.0 out of 5 stars Such a great book!
Reviewed in Canada on June 20, 2023
Loved this book. So helpful.