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Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change Paperback – December 30, 2014

by Jeffrey Foote (Author), Carrie Wilkens (Author), Nicole Kosanke (Author),
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,204 ratings
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The groundbreaking method that upends current treatment models and “offers collective hope to families of substance abusers” (Kirkus Reviews), helping loved ones conquer addiction and compulsion problems through positive reinforcement and kindness—from the leaders in progressive addiction treatment in the US.

Beyond Addiction goes beyond the theatrics of interventions and tough love to show family and friends how they can use kindness, positive reinforcement, and motivational and behavioral strategies to help someone change. Drawing on forty collective years of research and decades of clinical experience, the authors present the best practical advice science has to offer.

Delivered with warmth, optimism, and humor, Beyond Addiction defines a new, empowered role for friends and family and a paradigm shift for the field. This new approach is not only less daunting for both the substance abuser and his family, but is more effective as well. Learn how to use the transformative power of relationships for positive change, guided by exercises and examples. Practice what really works in therapy and in everyday life, and discover many different treatment options along with tips for navigating the system. And have hope: this guide is a life raft for parents, family, and friends—offering “reminders that although no one can make another person change, there is much that can be done to make change seem appealing and possible” (Publishers Weekly).
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  1. Print length
    352 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    December 30, 2014
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.7 x 8.38 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1476709483
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1476709482
  7. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"This is the most important new resource for the millions of families struggling with drug and alcohol problems, and all the hopelessness and helplessness that goes with it. First, it provides reason for hope based on science, not conventional wisdom. Second, it provides a comprehensive, compassionate, and understandable plan, not a recipe for a quick fix. And third, it reaffirms that applying the family’s natural kindness and positive reinforcement, rather than withholding it, is what makes change possible." -- Tom Hedrick ― Founding Member, The Partnership at Drugfree.org

"I am an expert in substance use disorders–quoted all the time. But I could never apply all that so-called expertise where it really counted–in my own family. I had scientific knowledge but no practical tools to use to help me and my affected family cope and return to sanity. This book would have saved my family and me a lot of time, money, and most importantly pain. I intended to read this book as a professional courtesy and to offer editorial and perhaps scientific comments. Instead I found myself taking notes on every chapter and Xeroxing some of the handy tables. Two weeks after reading the book both my son and I are using these basic lessons and specific techniques today with my grand-kids.” -- A. Thomas McLellan, PhD, Executive Director, Treatment Research Institute, former Deputy Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy ― and professor of psychiatry at University of Pennsylvania

"Beyond Addiction breaks out of the mold of traditional resources for families of people struggling with addiction. Unlike most popular self-help books in the field that suggest family members can only help themselves, Beyond Addiction empowers readers by (1) letting them know that they can help their loved one change and (2) showing them exactly how to do it. I started to put its invaluable suggestions into practice immediately in my personal and professional life. If you’re at the end of your rope, this book will provide hope, help you get your life back on track, and greatly improve the odds that your loved one will seek help." -- Anne M. Fletcher, M.S., author of Inside Rehab and Sober for Good

“Finally there is a family-based treatment for addiction that works. Beyond Addiction is the first effective book addressed to families of those with substance abuse problems. Instead of the old bromides – detaching and boundary setting – that are based on assumptions of family helplessness, Beyond Addiction offers evidence-based methods for families to motivate and reinforce change for an addicted loved one. The focus here is on effectiveness training for families, using collaboration and kindness rather than confrontation to support behavior change. I highly recommend this book; it should be required reading if your loved one struggles with substance abuse.” -- Matthew McKay, Ph.D. ― author of Thoughts & Feelings and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

“Objectively written and conveyed with congenial authority, the book offers collective hope to families of substance abusers... Essential.” -- Kirkus

"[Beyond Addiction's] gentle, optimistic and explanatory approach offers hope by giving family members outlets besides fighting, feeling stress, or idly waiting for motivation to happen. The Book helpfully offers reminders that although no one can make another person change, there is much that can be done to make change seem appealing and possible." ― Publishers Weekly

"Full of useful information and practical suggestions...an important resource for families affected by drug and alcohol problems." ― Tulsa World

About the Author

Jeffrey Foote, PhD, is co-founder and executive director of CMC and psychologist for the New York Mets. He has been a leader in the science and humanity of change for twenty-five years.

Carrie Wilkens, PhD, is co-founder and clinical director of CMC and a dedicated practitioner and researcher of the most effective treatments for substance use problems and compulsive behaviors. Her expertise is regularly sought by the CBS Early Show; Fox News; Newsweek; O, The Oprah Magazine; and Psychology Today.

Nicole Kosanke, PhD, is director of evaluation and family services at CMC. In 2008 Dr. Kosanke was featured in an O, The Oprah Magazine article about her client’s experience in treatment at CMC, which was later published in O’s Big Book of Happiness: The Best of O.

Stephanie Higgs is an editor and writer dedicated to bridging the gap between helpful ideas and people who could use the help.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribner; Reprint edition (December 30, 2014)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1476709483
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1476709482
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.38 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,204 ratings

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  1. Carrie Wilkens

    Carrie Wilkens

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
1,204 global ratings
This is the newest information on addiction
5 Stars
This is the newest information on addiction
Absolutely excellent book I loved it written by 3 PHd's and a good way to inspire friends or anyone not to continue their addiction I bought this for myself to deal with my family member who's addicted to alcohol
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Top reviews from the United States

Pamela Brinker, author of “Conscious Bravery”
5.0 out of 5 stars A conscious, empathetic approach that actually helps
Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2023
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This conscious, compassionate and hopeful approach actually works. It provides specifics, guidelines and hope to loved ones and it honors and respects all who struggle: those of us who want to help, and those we care about who need support.
All our loved ones who struggle in the wilderness with substance use and mental health challenges need us to partner with them, not judge them or give ultimatums. They need our conscious conversations and our openhearted endurance, not anger & lecturing.
The more I listen, the safer they feel. There are varying reasons underlying their substance use that they are still trying to understand. I have found that the more I seek to truly understand them, and ask them openended questions, the better our relationships are.
This book taught me that I choose what I will and won’t do with radical self-care as another foundation. This keeps me flexible and builds my resiliency to walk alongside them. I will never give up on them, and hope they never give up on themselves.
I’ve been a psychotherapist for over 30 years, am an author and workshop leader. I have two young adult sons who are in recovery in their own unique ways. So much of the well-intended “support” both my clients and I have received elsewhere was tragically dangerous for my sons and me.
Inviting their changes instead, I respect their paths and timing. Beyond Addiction is a must-read for anyone searching for their own answers and techniques that relieve anxiety and help us out of despair. This book teaches tools for the neuroplasticity we want which comes with being able to find clarity amidst confusion, adapting to tough situations with grace and strength.
Beyond Addiction and the Workbook for Family & Friends (by Foote, Carpenter & Wilkens) are foundations for my now more aware perspectives, compassionate listening, and consciously braver responses.
These two resources are must-reads for loved ones and treatment teams! It’s time to break stigmas and enable change with science-based newer approaches like this.
17 people found this helpful
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Deanokat
5.0 out of 5 stars A Fascinating New Book on Addiction and Treatment
Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2014
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As the father of an addict in recovery, I have read dozens of books on addiction, treatment, and self-help. Believe me when I say that this book is unlike any of the others I've read. Written by people at the Center for Motivation and Change (CMC), Beyond Addiction is a truly unique guide for families who are dealing with a loved one's substance use issue.

This book is not another "old school" book on addiction that tells families they have to force their loved one into rehab and totally detach from them. It's not another "tough love" book. Instead it teaches you how you can play an active, important role in affecting change in your loved one. Yes, you can actually *help* your loved one get better by using CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training): "a scientifically supported, evidence-based, clinically proven approach to helping families of substance abusers." According to the book, "CRAFT has three goals: 1.) to teach you skills to take care of yourself; 2.) to teach you skills you can use to help your loved one change; and 3.) to reduce substance use, period, whether your loved one gets formal treatment or not."

I won't lie to you. Some of the strategies in Beyond Addiction may come as a shock to you if you're used to reading and hearing about the old school approaches to addiction, which frequently tell us that we are helpless when it comes to assisting a loved one. The book's subtitle itself--"How Science and Kindness Help People Change"--should give you a clue that this book is very different. Using kindness to help a substance user change? Seriously?? Yes! And the authors explain the concept very thoroughly.

Beyond Addiction actually teaches family members and friends how to become empowered and make a huge difference in a substance user's life, using an actual plan. The book is broken down into four parts: What to Know; How to Cope; How to Help; and Live Your Life. You can choose to read the book in order or skip around, depending on what parts you think are most important to you at any given time. There are also interesting sidebars entitled "Good News" and "What's Hard About This." (I especially appreciated the "What's Hard About This" explanations, which are very clear, concise, and informative.)

This positive, science-based guide to helping a loved one was fascinating to me. It was incredibly refreshing to read an optimistic and compassionate approach to addiction treatment. (Note: CRAFT can also be used to motivate and reinforce change in other behaviors, too.) I wish this book was around a few years ago when my wife and I were first dealing with our son's addiction. It would've been fabulous to have been able to try the plan detailed in Beyond Addiction. I'm sure a lot of the verbal battles we had with our son back then could have been avoided.

If you have a loved one who is struggling with addiction or other compulsive behaviors, I highly recommend picking this book up. As it says on the inside flap, "This guide is designed not only to help someone change, but to help someone *want* to change." It's also full of hope, and that's a wonderful thing.
260 people found this helpful
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Donna Kendall
5.0 out of 5 stars Informative and Easy to Understand
Reviewed in the United States on July 12, 2023
Verified Purchase
Book arrived in great condition. The authors do a really wonderful job of breaking down the science behind why addiction/relapse occurs, and how to not only set boundaries for yourself but still continue to help your loved one. It discusses the stages of change, how to address concerns over relapse, and how to help your loved one want to change as well as carry out the changes. It does a great job explaining what to do as well as the 'why' behind the action/attitude, and encourages the reader to practice self-care and know their limits while supporting the person with the substance use disorder.
2 people found this helpful
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Elder Elder
4.0 out of 5 stars Puts too much focus on changing the addict.
Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2016
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The first half of the book is wonderfully calming because it focuses the reader's attention on his or her OWN behavior and OWN problems, instead of continuing to engage in obsession over the behavior of the addict they care about. For this reason alone the book is powerfully useful for those suffering from the family disease of addiction.

However, when the book transitions into behavior modification of the addict, it loses all value for me. The authors present a repeated goal of getting the addict into treatment, and to me that is a losing game. I don't like the behavioral approach to changing the addict. That's not where the focus should be, in my opinion. Trying to change anyone but yourself is a recipe for disappointment.

There are other community-based support programs for families of addicts and alcoholics which do a wonderful job of keeping the focus on the recovery of the family member. You'll find such groups anywhere you find 12-step programs, and if you are struggling with addiction in your family, I would strongly encourage you to look into those resources.

By all means, explore what this book has to say, but I personally would not encourage anyone to engage in techniques and tactics and practices with the specific goal of changing someone else's behavior.
26 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Jay Walker of Kelowna
5.0 out of 5 stars Beyond Excellent!
Reviewed in Canada on March 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
This has to be my 20-25th non fiction book read on addiction over the past 18 months, in a search to see how I could influence my heroin-addicted step-daughter.

This book is BY FAR the best of the lot, and if you want results, using the methods in this book offers you your best shot. I cannot recommend it highly enough, whether your waiting for "something" to happen, or your loved one is in rehab, or replace, BUY this book, DO the exercises, GIVE LIFE to the strategies therein.

I only wish this had been my first book, and not so deep into my journey.
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Nandita de Souza
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading for families!
Reviewed in India on February 13, 2021
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This book is a true 'lifesaver' for families. The approach to handling addiction within the family is so innovative and humanistic. There is excellent information about the science of motivation and change, as well as clear steps to help your loved one, which are easy to follow. Any professional who works in the field of addiction should read it too.
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PAULINA CUEVAS
5.0 out of 5 stars Muy bueno y sencillo de leer
Reviewed in Mexico on June 3, 2018
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El libro es muy bueno y srncillo de leer y entender. Da muy buenas pautas y consejos que me han ayudado.
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S. Loftus
4.0 out of 5 stars A new approach
Reviewed in Italy on September 25, 2017
Verified Purchase
The idea behind this book is to find a new way to get on with your little addict. The approach goes a good way to reducing tension and enhancing cooperation, but kindness is hard to live with if your loved one is out of control. It's worth a try though, for your own sake as well as theirs.
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Nelson F.
5.0 out of 5 stars Scientific and not just based in folk stories
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 13, 2018
Verified Purchase
Finally, a book that takes into account what really happens with addiction and effective methods for helping. AA and Al-Anon have helped many but have also alienated many more. Recent research proves that there are better methods to tackle addiction than family's 'detachment' or the acceptance that we are powerless... because we can be more powerful and have more impact than previously thought. Intelligent, strategic 'kindness' is more effective than pop science or outdated mainstream approaches.
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