There are a lot of negative reviews about this book, and for a while I avoided buying it because of these. I regret not reading this book sooner.
Let me address each one...
1) Methods outlined in this book are about lying your way into bed or are predatory...
Uh, What? I think people that argue this seriously have not read the book. The 'mystery method' attempts to systematize dating. Being a geek, and writing a book for geeks - he breaks down the steps into (roughly, this is off memory):
A1 - Open
A2 - Female to Male Interest
A3 - Male to Female Interest
C1 - Conversation
C2 - Connection
C3 - Initimacy
S1 - Foreplay
S2 - LMR
S3 - Sex
He argues that dating can be broken down into a repeatable process. I don't think this is predatory or weird. If you study Sales - pretty much all successful sales people follow a process. Contrary to popular belief, Sales isn't a grimy sleazy job - it's a real job to find solution to fit a buyers problem, and in the real world, in industry, any real companies will systematize it into a process.
Well guess what, in dating you are to some extent a salesman. And you are selling yourself. Just like in the business world, not everyone is a suitable customer. But you won't just find that out by telepathy. You need to introduce yourself first, and see if there is attraction and comfort. I do not think it's predatory or sleazy or weird in any way to break this down into a repeatable process.
I think some people don't like the idea of a memorized opener. I personally use what are called 'situational openers' or make a general comment based on the environment at hand when I walk up to meet someone. But I really don't see how it's a big deal if you need a 'prop' to introduce yourself. This isn't lying or mis-representing yourself. It's more like have an interesting line prepared to start a conversation. Guess what, people do this every day in the business world, and it's perfectly acceptable, and makes sense in the context of selling products. I don't view a person selling industrial microscopes as sleazy when he 'opens' with a line... It doesn't make him a liar. It's a prop used to start a conversation.
Furthermore, he states several times in the book that he does NOT advocate lying, and that during the comfort building stages its important to be yourself and make a real connection with the other person. Finally, I don't think that sex is an evil goal. Most people establish physical intimacy at some point early on in their relationship. If you don't want to rush the sex part, then modify the process he's laid out and take it slower. He's presenting what he personally does, and I think it's totally fine that some people are ready and willing to have sex after a few dates, or after a long night out. I know many people like this who are honest people. You have to take the process and adapt it to your own needs.
2) The method doesn't work and is snake oil
I don't really agree with this either. I would say that about 90% of this book is tactical advice devoted toward the A1-A3 phases of opening and having that initial conversation. I watched some vids of the VH1 show after reading the book, and you can literally see him do everything he says and watch it work.
The issue is, he has a *ton* of practice walking up to very attractive woman like its nothing and opening a conversation. Like 4 - 5 nights a week for many years. So he makes it look very, very easy. And in the book, I don't think he fully realizes how hard this is to do, especially when there are groups of people together. So basically I think he actually presents a lot of complex ways to 'open' conversations with people in groups. It gets especially complicated when he suggests merging groups at a bar or club.
I would consider that stuff super advanced. But stick with the basics. I do think it's good advice that when you first walk in and see someone you'd like to talk to, to take about 3 seconds to drum up the chutzpah and just dive in. I also think it's reasonable if you're talking to a group to win over the girl's friends, and then chat with the girl.
And he's completely right that once everyone is comfortable with you and you know the girl is attracted, pull her to a quiet corner of the bar (C1) and have a private conversation to establish more rapport.
Just like with Sales, you're not going to miraculously land your very first sale. In the business world, people cold call scores, if not hundreds of clients, to land just one sale. When you are first starting out, you need to have this kind of mentality and put in the numbers and introduce yourself to a lot of people.
It doesn't make you sleazy. If you personally don't have any standards and are willing to sleep with just anything then sure, you are a dirtbag. But if you are genuinely looking for a connection and you have to introduce yourself to god forbid a dozen women before you can really strike up a conversation and get a phone number, so what?
I think most of the people that complain are simply not putting in the numbers. Again, in a sales position, people will make 20-50 cold calls, do 10 follows up, and try to close 1 client in a single day. I'm not suggesting you devote your life to just gaming women, but you got to put in the numbers.
__________
Some other general comments...
Women do not get this book at all and think it's sleazy because its a highly rational approach to dating, and makes sense. Also because they never have to do outbound approaches.
Again, my best analogy here is sales.
In sales you basically have 4 types of sales people. Outbound Lead Qualification, Inbound Lead Qualification, Closers, Account Managers.
For 95% of guys (unless you are a famous actor or something) you are going to be practicing outbound lead qual. You need to put in the numbers and open up a lot of women. If you don't like night clubs / bars, so what? Then adapt the method to meeting people in book stores. Or for online dating. But the basic *process* makes sense. You need to open a lot of women (A1-A3), qualify if they are a potential match for what you are looking for (C1 - C3), and close (S1 - S3).
The reason women don't get this book is for most moderately attractive women, they've never really had to put themselves out there and walk up to a guy in a public place. From the time they are 16 to their late twenties, they get approached every day by interested guys - so they experience Inbound Sales - and they don't have to expend as much effort to generate these prospects. For better or worse guys do. And believe me, women get just as strategic about this stuff and share texts and such to all their friends and figure out their next actions in advance. They may not lay it out in a process, but generally speaking the average woman has probably had more practice than the average guy - simply because they are always being approached.
A quick note about "Negs". Negs are not put downs - and if you actually read the book you would understand this. A lot of very attractive woman in a public setting will sometimes act aloof or like they are somehow 'better than you' for no other reason than the fact that they know they are physically good looking. If you disagree or don't know what I'm talking about, then I suggest you get out more. The Neg is basically a way to overtly demonstrate to the woman that you don't hold her on a pedestal or kiss her butt just because she's beautiful. It's a way to say, I don't really care that you're pretty, you're still a human like myself, and our interaction will be as equals. So starting off a conversation, and correctly pointing out (maybe as a joke, if it's true) that she's got an eye booger is an example of a "neg". Most guys would be too intimidated to point this out. The neg philosophy is basically, when you interact, make it clear you don't see her on a pedestal. Again, if you actually watch the videos of Mystery interacting with women, this is all he's doing. He's not insulting them or trying to attack their self esteem like many people argue here.
Do you need this book to meet a girl or get laid? No, clearly not. But I do think it's a great framework to think about outbound approaches to woman and dating as a process. People that are more intuitive or thinking (Myers - Briggs) that struggle to understand dating dynamics would appreciate this book greatly. And in reality I think 90% of guys could benefit from reading this book.
Here are my real criticisms though of the book.
1) 90% of this book is geared towards openers, and even of this material, most of it is way too advanced for the average person. Mystery also suggests going out to night clubs and having these 4 - 10 hour nights out that ideally result in laying the girl.
Most guys don't necessarily want this. First because it's simply not compatible with a working person's lifestyle to go out 4 nights a week and stay out till 5 am, and second because realistically, most girls will give out their phone number at best. So I think Mystery gets too focused on going for the same night lay, when most guys want a phone number and a date with a high quality girl.
2) There's almost no discussion of actually going on dates Bang - by Roosh - does a way better job of going through 'middle game' or C1-C3 as Mystery calls it.
3) Although Mystery does state this, I think it would be even better if he had approach statistics to show the reality, but dating really is a numbers game early on.
There's actually a great Christian Dating book called - How to Get a Date Worth Keeping - by Dr. Cloud - who's written a number of Christian Dating books by the way.
What's so interesting about it, is how similar their advice is. Cloud's book - approach a lot of women (or men) - he advises at least 5 / wk. Focus on just dating early on, don't try to get exclusive too early. Even the overall internal frame to have is very similarly presented between Cloud's book and Mystery's. Clearly Cloud doesn't advocate going for sex so early, but that's a personal choice.
I think this book polarizes people because they choose to see something that's either there or not there based upon the fact that Mystery is a self proclaimed 'pickup artist' and it strikes a chord with people either in a very positive or very negative way.
Get past all of that, and actually read the book for what it is. I think it's a great framework for dating and I'd recommend it to *anyone* - even a committed Christian with no intention of sleeping with a girl until marriage, just for the systematic process he presents for dating in general.
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