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Cloud, Henry, Townsend, John

Boundaries in Marriage Kindle Edition

by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.7 4,556 ratings

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Learn how setting healthy boundaries in your marriage can strengthen—or even save—your relationship with your spouse.

Most marital conflicts are boundary conflicts where one person crosses the lines of responsibility and respect. When couples learn to embrace personal responsibility and to respect each other’s freedom, love is allowed to thrive.

Whether you're happy in your marriage and want to keep growing, or if you're struggling with increasing disconnection, Boundaries in Marriage will give you the tools you need to:

Set and maintain personal boundaries while respecting those of your partner.
Understand and practice two key ingredients to a successful marriage: freedom and responsibility.
Establish values that form a godly structure and architecture for your marriage.
Protect your marriage from different kinds of "intruders."
Work with a spouse who is resistant to boundaries.

In Boundaries in Marriage, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, counselors and authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, will show you how healthy marriages are marriages with boundaries. They promote love by protecting individuals.

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The Boundaries book series has transformed marriages, families, organizations, and individuals around the world, with 4 million copies sold.

Some people focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. That’s why the ability to set clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. In relationships, boundaries define who we are and who we are not, which impacts every part of our lives.

From the Publisher

boundaries in marriage, boundaries, marriage, healthy, Henry Cloud, John Townsend, psychology, hope

boundaries in marriage, boundaries, marriage, healthy, Henry Cloud, John Townsend, psychology

A Note from the Authors

If you are interested in this book, most likely marriage is important to you. You may be happy in your marriage and want it to keep growing. You may be struggling and dealing with major or minor problems. You may be single and want to prepare for marriage. You may be divorced and want to prevent the pain you went through if you remarry.

We need to make clear that this book is not about fixing, changing, or punishing your mate. If you aren’t in control of yourself, the solution is not learning to control someone else. It is more about taking ownership of your own life so that you are protected and you can love and protect your spouse without enabling or rescuing him or her.

We hope this is a helpful resource for you, whatever condition your marriage is in. We pray that as you learn to make the word no a good word in your marriage, responsibility and freedom will then help love take deep roots in both of your hearts. God bless you.

—Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend


	Boundaries in Marriage Workbook	Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children	Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No	Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life	Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships	Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships

Customer Reviews	739	2,160	1,207	26,012	1,085	3,036
Price	$14.99	$13.63	$12.49	$11.49	$14.43	$16.95
Other Boundaries books by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend	This hands-on workbook, companion to Boundaries in Marriage, will help you move beyond friction points to the mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy you and your spouse long for.	Join the millions who have learned how to take control of their lives by setting healthy boundaries with their spouses, children, friends, parents, coworkers, and even themselves, in order to live life to the fullest.	For when your trust has been broken: discover how to set firm boundaries again, how to connect deeply without being hurt, and how to safely grow your most intimate relationships.	Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue healthy dating limits that can lead to a happy marriage.	Yes, you can say no to your child and still be a loving parent. Discover how setting biblical boundaries can make your parenting better today!	Establish wise and loving limits that make a positive difference in your teen, in the rest of your family, and in you.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Establishing and understanding boundaries are crucial to the success of a marriage, according to authors Cloud and Townsend, who cowrote the award-winning and biblically-based book Boundaries. For example, boundaries help us understand where one person ends and the other begins, the authors claim: "Once we know the boundaries, we know who should be owning the problem we are wrestling with," they write. "This issue of ownership is vital to any relationship, especially marriage." But more significantly, couples need to claim and take responsibility for the "treasures that lie within their individual borders," such as: "feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, desires, thoughts, values, talents, and love." Based on the book that elevated them to national prominence, Cloud and Townsend caution readers not to use this self-help manifesto as a means to change one's spouse. Rather, this is a book about taking responsibility for oneself in all aspects of life, but especially within the boundaries of marital commitment.

Review

Two lives becoming one: That s the marriage ideal. But maybe you ve discovered that it s easier said than done. How do you solve problems? How do you establish healthy communication? How do you work out conflict and deal with the struggle of differing needs? In the process of knitting two souls together, it s easy to tear the fabric.

That s why boundaries the ways we define and maintain our sense of individuality, freedom, and personal integrity are so important. And it s why the principles described in Boundaries in Marriage are essential if you want your marriage to flourish.

Counselors and best-selling authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend, authors of the Gold Medallion Award-winning book, Boundaries, show how you and your mate can experience marriage at its best. You ll learn how to deal with serious violations and betrayals and develop a haven of mutual love, care, appreciation, and growth. Boundaries in Marriage will show you: ? Why boundaries and the Ten Laws of Boundaries are vital for a thriving, productive marriage ? How values form the structure and architecture of marriage ? How to protect a marriage from intruders, whether parents, other people, affairs, or personal idols ? Why each partner needs to establish personal boundaries, and how to go about it ? How to work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries and how to work with one who doesn t

Whether you are just starting out as a couple, have been married for years, or are seriously contemplating marriage, Boundaries in Marriage will show you how to establish your own boundaries and respect those of your partner. Drawing on principles from the Bible, it can help you safeguard against relational fractures and mend existing cracks. It may even save your marriage. And it can help make even the best marriage better -- Publisher

Review

'We've been waiting for John and Henry to write this book for a long time -- and it has been well worth the wait! 'Boundaries in Marriage' holds the key to mutual respect and provides the tools for making your relationship everything you want it to be. You can't afford to miss this outstanding resource.' -- Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Author, 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts'

From the Publisher

Two lives becoming one--that's the marriage ideal. But couples who have been married for a while know it's not easy. Two individuals are involved, with different needs, ways of communicating, strengths and weaknesses, wounds and blind spots. In the process of knitting two souls together, it's easy to tear the fabric. Toss in the potential for friction from other sources, and setting boundaries in marriage becomes crucial. Now counselors and best-selling authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend apply the principles of their Gold Medallion Award-winning book, Boundaries, to help couples experience marriage at its best, as a haven of mutual love, care, appreciation, and growth. They show why true, joyous unity in marriage requires that both partners define and maintain their integrity as well as respect their mate's personal boundaries. Boundaries in Marriage will show couples: Why boundaries are so important for a thriving, productive marriage How values form the structure and architecture of marriage How to protect a marriage from intruders, whether parents, other people, affairs, or personal idols Why each partner needs to establish personal boundaries, and how to go about it How to work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries--and how to work with one who doesn't Boundaries in Marriage uses biblical principles to provide solutions for marriage struggles. For couples with a few years under their belts and for those just entering marriage, Boundaries in Marriage is a book that can help couples safeguard against relational fractures, mend existing cracks, and make even the best marriage better.

From the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are popular speakers, licensed psychologists, co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program, and co-founders of Cloud/Townsend Communications. Both graduated with doctorates in clinical psychology from Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology, and both maintain private practices in Newport Beach, California. They are best-selling coauthors of several books, including Boundaries with Kids, Raising Great Kids, The Mom Factor, Safe People, Twelve Christian Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. Dr. Cloud is the author of Changes That Heal and Dr. Townsend is the author of Hiding from Love

From the Back Cover

Marriage It Takes Two Individuals to Become One Flesh

Only when you and your mate know and respect each other s needs, choices, and freedom can you give yourselves freely and lovingly to one another. Boundaries in Marriage gives you the tools you need. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, counselors and authors of the award-winning best-seller Boundaries, show you:

· Why boundaries and the "Ten Laws of Boundaries" are vital for a thriving, productive marriage · -How values form the structure and architecture of marriage · -How to protect a marriage from intruders, whether other people, affairs, or personal idols · Why each partner needs to establish personal boundaries, and how to go about it · -How to work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries and how to work with one who doesn t

Boundaries in Marriage helps you understand the friction points or serious hurts and betrayals in your marriage and move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy you both long for.

About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He is coauthor of the bestselling Boundaries and author of Boundaries with Teens and Hiding from Love.

Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and co-host, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

A Tale of Two Couples Recently, I (Dr. Townsend) had two separate dinners with two married couples who are friends of mine. These two couples are in their later years, and each of the couples has been married for more than four decades. They are in what we call the 'Golden Years,' the period of marriage in which all the love and work over the years culminate, we hope, in a deep and satisfying connection. However, I was struck by the huge difference between the two couples. With Harold and Sarah, I enjoyed a buffet dinner where you get a ticket for various parts of the meal and you have to leave the table with your ticket and go get your item. The dinner was winding down; we were ready for dessert. Harold reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his dessert ticket. Tossing it in front of Sarah, he said casually, 'Sarah. Dessert.' Not 'Please, Sarah, will you get my dessert for me?' And certainly not 'Can I get your dessert, honey?' Harold was assuming Sarah would obediently comply with his two-word command. I didn't know what to say, so I sat there and watched. Sarah was clearly embarrassed by Harold's public display of control. She sat there for a couple of seconds, apparently deciding what to do. Then she seemed to gather up her courage and quietly but forcefully said, 'Why don't you get your own dessert?' Harold looked surprised. Evidently he wasn't used to her refusing to obey his commands. However, he recovered, made a weak joke about uppity women, and left the table to redeem his ticket. While he was gone, Sarah said to me, 'Sorry, I just couldn't let it go this time, with my friends here.' I felt so sad for Sarah, realizing that her reaction to her husband tonight was the exception rather than the rule. I also realized that, on a deeper level, while Harold and Sarah were legally connected, they were emotionally disconnected. Their hearts were not knit together. Frank and Julia were different. I was traveling, and they were hosting me. We went to their home after dinner. After a while, it was time for me to return to my hotel, and I needed a ride. Julia, a counselor like me, was primarily responsible for my trip and had been chauffeuring me to various speaking engagements and meetings. So clearly she was the person to take me back. However, Frank looked at his wife and said, 'You look tired, honey. I'll take John back to his hotel.' I could see the conflict in Julia's face between her duty to me and her need for rest. Finally, she said, 'Okay, thanks.' And Frank drove me to the hotel. The next day, at the conference, I talked to Julia. I remarked on Frank's kindness in offering the ride and on her struggle with taking the offer. She said, 'It wasn't always that way. In our twenties, he wouldn't have offered, and I wouldn't have taken the offer. But we worked on this issue a lot during those days. I had to put my foot down on some issues, and we almost divorced. It was a difficult period, but it has paid off. We can't imagine not being each other's soul mates.' During my time with them, I had observed that Frank's and Julia's hearts were knit together, that they were emotionally connected. Though both couples had many years of marriage experience, each couple's love and relationship had taken very different turns. Harold and Sarah were unable to love deeply and relate to each other, because Harold controlled Sarah and Sarah allowed him to control her. They had what are called major boundary conflicts, in which one person crosses the lines of responsibility and respect with another. When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom. Frank and Julia could have very likely ended up the same way. From what I could tell, they started off similarly in their early married years. Frank dominated, and Julia complied. However, she confronted the problem, she set limits and established consequences, and their marriage grew. Clearly, both couples were reaping the results of how they had conducted themselves in the earlier seasons of marriage. The first couple harvested a sad result; the other, a joyous one. Your Life Begins Today If you are reading this book, most likely marriage is important to you. You may be happy in your marriage and want it to keep growing. You may be struggling and dealing with major or minor problems. You may be single and want to prepare for marriage. You may be divorced and want to prevent the pain you went through if you remarry. Most of us have no greater desire and prayer than a lifetime of love and commitment to one person with whom we can share life. Marriage is one of God's greatest gifts to humanity. It is the mystery of living as one flesh with another human being (Ephesians 5:31 -- 32). Marriage is first and foremost about love. It is bound together by the care, need, companionship, and values of two people, which can overcome hurt, immaturity, and selfishness to form something better than what each person alone can produce. Love is at the heart of marriage, as it is at the heart of God himself (1 John 4:16). Yet, love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: 'Perfect love drives out fear' (1 John 4:18). And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling. Freedom and responsibility problems in a marriage will cause love to struggle. Like a plant without good soil, the marriage relationship will struggle in an unfriendly environment.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B000SELDB8
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan (May 18, 2009)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 18, 2009
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 755 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Up to 5 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 258 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #63,537 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #14 in Christian Marriage (Kindle Store)
- #48 in Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
- #53 in Christian Self-Help

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Cloud, Henry, Townsend, John
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Henry Cloud
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Dr. Cloud is a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, and his books have sold nearly 20 million copies. His leadership book, Integrity, was dubbed by the New York Times as "the best book in the bunch." In 2011, Necessary Endings was called "the most important book you read all year." His book "Boundaries For Leaders" was named by CEO Reads in the top five leadership books of its year. Dr. Cloud's work has been featured and reviewed by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher's Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named Dr. Cloud in the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development, alongside Oprah, Brene Brown, Seth Godin and others. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel, and other national media outlets.
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In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with CEOs, Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background, and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams and executives to improving performance, leadership skills, and culture. He also has a specialty in high net worth family offices.
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His experience includes three decades as a consultant, and as an entrepreneur he started and grew a successful chain of treatment centers in over 40 cities across the western United States. His experience running a business of this magnitude lends credibility to his expertise on leadership matters in the companies with which he works.As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, President George Bush, Marcus Buckingham, Magic Johnson, Peyton Manning and many others.Dr. Cloud is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, with a B.S. in psychology. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in homelessness in the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy. He enjoys golf, scuba diving, boating and fishing.
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John Townsend
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Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and cohost, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California. Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His best-selling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries.
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Kindle Customer

A must-read for every couple

Reviewed in the United States on May 10, 2024

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There are so many misconceptions about marriage, submission, love, freedom which are accepted by people nowadays. This books gives an honest Biblical, down-to-earth and working perspective on these topics.

It could really save your marriage.

Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2024

Easy read

Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2024

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This is such a great book that not only summarizes their previous book, Boundaries, well, but also dives deeper specifically into the marriage relationship. This book will help you grow and change in valuable ways.

One person found this helpful

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Mariposa Wings

I am learning so much I wish I knew sooner.

Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2024

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My husband and I have started reading this book a little bit at a time and it brings up some really good discussions. We're both learning what boundaries TRULY are.. and they are not what we think they are per say. I wish I would have know some of this material early on in my marriage, but it's never to late to learn. I truly recommend this book!

3 people found this helpful

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Sidd

A Very Useful Book, But You May Still Need a Pro

Reviewed in the United States on November 20, 2002

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A Very Useful Book, But You May Still Need a Pro
Reviewer: siddheartha from Warren, MI USA
This is a very good book about boundaries.
Yes, it is steeped in Christianity. If you are a Christian, that is a very big plus and will make this book even more helpful. However, if you are not, you can still get great value from this book.
This book will teach, giving examples, about building appropriate boundaries in your marriage. If you are not married you can still prepare. Starting with good, strong boundaries will help you pick a better mate (for you), and make for a stronger marriage, too.
If you are in a troubled marriage, it may be difficult to use this book. If the good will in the marriage has headed south, get a marriage counselor who is familiar with the book and willing to help you both build better boundaries.
Those with good boundaries are the happiest people.
Good luck! Enjoy.
Oh, why not 5 stars? It is a well-written book. The examples are mostly useful. And as much as I like the reliance on Christian values, the book leans on them too much.
It is a very subjective thing. So I can understand most people give 5 stars.

7 people found this helpful

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Daryl Turner

Learning tool easy to study and utilize

Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2024

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Good for learning and utilizing for real world situations

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Tammara G. Gentry

Brilliant, Balanced and Believable…

Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2024

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Coming from a family of deeply intrenched codependents and non-believers , this book helped me realize the limits of my control and the control of others. I give now out of a heart of gratitude and self reflection. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Married for 27 years and these days life is so rich in love between my husband and I. I strongly recommend this to everyone who lives someone in their life.

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Angie Kelly

Tools to help with interpersonal relationships

Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2024

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It was recommended to me by my counselor. It gives you the tools to be able to set boundaries with people. I tend to let people run over me and then I get very upset. This book helps to show you how to not let that happen. You have to set boundaries for your self, so that you feel ok. Setting guidelines for others on what you allow and what you do not so that you don't spin out of control. Love the book, share it with others.

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Jaana Jardim

Loved this book

Reviewed in Canada on September 27, 2023

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Everyone should read it as it is important to know your boundaries. Life saver

Maternity32Weeks

Boundaries to protect and build love in a marriage

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 7, 2023

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Thoroughly enjoyed this book. It has taken me x2 attempts to read but I'm grateful I persisted. Boundaries inside the marriage to deepen the relationship and keep the love thriving. This book and Danny Silk 'Keep Your Love On' are so important in a Christian marriage. May God help is all on this journey called marriage.

One person found this helpful

Chasse Manhattan Almilla

Good read...

Reviewed in Japan on March 7, 2020

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Some stories are related in some situations and some has no application...but its a good read.

ryan layton

Excellent book

Reviewed in Australia on October 17, 2016

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This book among others is keeping me focused on my personal growth, assisting me to grow out of fears and habits that I've tolerated for to long

majazpl

It is a fantastic and comprehensive take on the topic

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 17, 2016

Verified Purchase

This book was my first contact with the topic of boundaries.
I consider it to be a study book and i learn a bit at the time and then practice it long in real life to master the skills.
It is a fantastic and comprehensive take on the topic, not only for marriage.
Other 2 books by the same authors: Boundaries and Boundaries for kids equally brilliant.
Highly recommended for people who look how to improve their lives and are tired of reacting the same in stressful situations, but find it hard to come up with solutions by themselves.

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