Many times people enter a relationship high on the newness and love; euphoria! Then time goes by and couples get comfortable with each other, then major conflict enters. Now what? How is your communication? How do you work as a team to handle conflicts within the boundaries of your personal relationship with each other? Are you walking on eggshells in communication because of your assumption of your love's perspective? Do you truly know your love's perspective?
We are still in the first part of the book having only gone through 6 or 7 of the questions together. And what an amazing journey it has been so far. Such basic foundational things about each other we were innocently clueless about. The deep, meaninful conversations that have resulted from such endearing questions. So many "lightbulb moments" when we realize the "whys" to responses and reactions to things we've experienced. No two people are the same and this book is a fabulous guide to help you really get to know your soulmate on such a vulnerable, heartfelt level. Any couple, any age will beneft from this. The foundation of your love and trust will be strengthened simply by getting to know one another; whether you are just starting out or growing as a person and your perspectives are changing.
Make no mistake, this takes actual work, but loving realationships take real effort to keep working! You can't just have a tool to help you communicate and get to truly know each other by osmosis ;-) If you make an effort, it will show. If you do not make any effort, it will show as well. Barrie Davenport's writing style is not condescending or threatening at all. She let's you know what to do when you feel "triggered" or "flooded" (feeling intensely about certain topics) by certain questions. She encourages you to be an active listener.
Carve some time from your busy schedule for each other, a quiet place, your notebooks/journals and have fun getting to know each other. The things you "do not have time for" are the things you simply aren't making a priority. If you are too busy, readjust your priorities! If you are still too busy or you "can't change anything," then introspect and ask why? Additionally, if you want to give the perosn you love lots of trust, honesty, grace, and be a great listener; you must first work on yourself and give yourself these gifts. You cannot give away that which you do not possess. ;-)
TLDR: If you desire to have a meaningful, loving relationship you will need to have trust. The foundation of any relationship takes trust. In order to have trust you need honesty AND communcation. If you want them, you will have to work for them, the harder you work for them, the stronger, bigger and better they will be. And you must work to maintain them forever. If it is forever love you want. :)
Sorry for such a long, rambling review; I am so very passionate on communication and love; quite an advocate for it-- that I really cannot recommend this enough. Barrie Davenport has a gift for "getting it" and this is her tool to help you "get it" too. Remember, you can have all the tools in the world, but nothing will be in top shape, maintained or repaired if you don't use your tools. :)
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Good to develop intimacy.
We haven't gone very far into this book, but I like it for good conversations when we are having some couple time. It's not just random questions but is organized into 20 sections plus bonus questions. The sections cover subjects like love, respect, communication, emotional needs, to fitness, parenting, money, goals. The author seems to draw from works of other authors for questions such as a few questions covering love languages. The questions very good as conversation starters.
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