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The Girl I Used to Be Kindle Edition

4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 1,492 ratings

The acclaimed author of Gone Without a Trace delivers another twisting novel of psychological suspense in which a woman is backed against a wall--with nothing left to lose...

The morning after real estate agent Gemma Brogan has dinner with a prospective client, she's furious at herself for drinking so much. But there will be more to regret than a nasty hangover.

She starts receiving mementos from that night: A photo of a hallway kiss. A video of her complaining about her husband. And worse...much worse. The problem is she doesn't remember any of it.

As the blackmailing and menace ramp up, Gemma fears for her already shaky marriage. The paranoia, the feeling that her life is spiraling out of control, will take her back to another night--years ago--that changed everything. And Gemma will realize just how far the shadows from her past can reach...
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Praise for Gone Without a Trace
 
“Mary Torjussen spins a clever, fast-paced tale with a twist so sharp it will give readers whiplash.”—Tami Hoag, #1
New York Times bestselling author of The Bitter Season
 
Gone Without a Trace has one of the most interesting narrators I’ve ever come across. Suspenseful and subtle, this novel plays with all of your expectations. Not to be missed!”—Shari Lapena, New York Times bestselling author of The Couple Next Door

“Gripping suspense with a chilling twist. Mary Torjussen kept me turning the pages to the very last.”—Meg Gardiner, Edgar Award–winning author of
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“Torjussen’s debut novel combines tightly wound suspense with an unfolding surprise ending, making for a gripping page-turner from start to finish. Fans of Gillian Flynn’s
Gone Girl and Alafair Burke’s If You Were Here will love this.”—Library Journal (starred review)
 
“Grabbed me right away with its mind-blowing and heartbreaking premise, and I couldn’t read fast enough as the book revealed a series of twisting and even jaw-dropping surprises. This thriller thrills, but it’s grounded by complicated, complex, and sometimes deeply flawed characters I couldn't stop thinking about. An absorbing, shocking thriller!”—David Bell, bestselling author of
Bring Her Home
 
“[A] strong debut....The deliciously dark conclusion is perfect for this tale of all-consuming obsession, jealousy, and the secrets that lie beneath the most perfect of exteriors.”—
Publishers Weekly

“Will keep readers on the edges of their seats as they delve into Hannah’s troubled mind....Readers will be absorbed in this hard look at human nature and the lengths we will go to protect what we feel is ours.”—
Booklist

“Torjussen draws you into Hannah’s plight until you’re wrapped in it like the coils of an anaconda. It’s a maze of madness and obsession that holds you until the final devastating line of the story.”—
Suspense Magazine

“[A] creepy, adrenaline fueled thriller....Fans of Claire Mackintosh and J.T. Ellison will find plenty here to love. The concept is unique, with a clever setup that hooks on page one....The writing is sleek, the pace is propulsive, and the tale’s tension remains palpable throughout. In a subgenre where third-act twists are the norm,
Gone Without a Trace is the rare domestic thriller that simultaneously shocks, challenges convention, and delivers an important social message....the book’s final page is guaranteed to chill.”—Mystery Scene Magazine

“[An] engrossing psychological thriller....Paula Hawkins fans will find a lot to like.”—Publishers Weekly

About the Author

Mary Torjussen is the acclaimed author of Gone Without a Trace. She has an MA in Creative Writing from Liverpool John Moores University and worked for several years as a teacher.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B074663XMQ
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Berkley (April 24, 2018)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ April 24, 2018
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 2986 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 366 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 0399585036
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 1,492 ratings

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Mary Torjussen
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Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
1,492 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2018
A wonderful, psychological thriller that will make you wonder what you would do if this happened to you!!!

I am a big fan of Mary Torjussen’s last book Gone Without a Trace. As a psychologist, I always find books that deal with the character’s mindset effectively to be so compelling, and this is an area Mary really excels in as an author. This book was one I read in two days (which, for someone who works full-time and has a dissertation to write is quite an endorsement). The steady building of suspense in this book had the reader feeling slightly off-kilter along with the protagonist—and that is what made it so hard to put down! I found myself skipping my lunch break to read a bit more, and turning down plans for drinks after work because I just had to know what would happen next!

PLOT

Gemma owns her own real estate business and loves her career. She has a wonderful husband and a beautiful son, but she also has some darkness in her past. Though Gemma loves her husband and they agreed for him to stay home with their young son while she builds her business, she finds herself occasionally resenting the time he gets with their son. But Gemma would never do anything to jeopardize the family she loves so much.

Until one day, Gemma is out with a client for dinner, and the next thing she knows she wakes up alone in her hotel room with no memory of the night and a blistering hangover… Gemma would never cheat on her husband, but she can’t seem to remember the events of the evening. Sure, she used to be a heavy drinker, but that is in her past, isn’t it?

As Gemma tries to shake off the sense of unease she had that fateful night, she begins getting reminders in the mail. First, she receives a receipt from that night. But why would the hotel mail her a copy of her receipt? Then, she gets a photo of her kissing someone who is not her husband in the hotel. As Gemma’s world begins to unravel, and the reminders get increasingly threatening, Gemma wonders if she will ever remember what happened that night, and if she does, will it be too late to save her marriage??

REFLECTION

Wow, I loved this book! Though I loved Mary’s first book, there is never a guarantee that the second one will live up to the first. In fact, often it is hard for an author to write a book that lives up to what was loved about the first book—but Mary Torjussen has done it! This book was very different in terms of the plot and characters from her first book, but the writing elements I loved were still there.

The slow but steady build in suspense was masterful. At the beginning, this could have just been a book about the struggles of work and marriage. And yet, there was always the sense of unease. That sense built throughout the book until the plot burst onto the page. I found myself at about 35% in shock and horror about what was happening. I couldn’t imagine being in Gemma’s spot! What would I do??? And the memory gap was masterful. The notion throughout the book that you can almost grasp the memory, but it escapes you—that is something we can all understand, and it really added to the suspense.

I loved Gemma. She was damaged yet strong. Shockingly strong, in fact. In so many of these psychological thrillers, the protagonist is such a mess, but Gemma was not that way. And for that reason, it was easy to put yourself in her place. To imagine what would happen if you were forced to keep a secret from those you love most, in part because you’re not entirely sure about what the secret is!

I want to thank the author Mary Torjussen for facilitating this Advanced Reader Copy for review. I also want to thank Berkley and NetGalley for allowing me to review this book honestly and fairly. I actually kept my pre-order active because I know I'll want a physical copy of the book to have for use with my reading circles!
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Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2018
A business owner finds herself being blackmailed by a prospective client. As the threats become more intense, she scrambles to make sense of them and learns that they may not be as random as she first thought. Mary Torjussen returns with another thriller and takes her readers through a refreshing turn of events in the cheer-worthy novel The Girl I Used to Be.

It’s taken Gemma Brogan years to establish her real estate business, but she’s doing it one client and one house at a time. Even in a challenging housing market not far from London, Gemma has found her footing. Her husband, Joe, stays at home with their son, Rory, and she works with people she likes and respects.

Gemma reaps the benefits of owning her own business, but she also works the hardest. The long hours often mean she doesn’t see Rory in the morning or get to put him to bed at night. She envies Joe’s relationship with Rory; when the three of them spend time together, Rory looks to Joe first.

She wants things to change, and when a potential client arrives in her office with a healthy housing budget Gemma thinks she’s received a prime opportunity. A big win on a home sale means she can breathe easy. It doesn’t hurt that the new client, David Sanderson, is tall, handsome, funny, and friendly. They spend the day together, and Gemma feels confident he’ll commit to one of the pricey homes they visited.

Not long after, Gemma runs into David during a work trip and the two spend the evening together over dinner and drinks. Years earlier Gemma experienced a horrible attack that convinced her never to drink to excess again, yet over dinner with David she finds herself loosening up in an effort to sway his decision about one of the properties. She drinks more than she meant to, more than she has in years, and the next morning she wakes up feeling awful.

The hangover doesn’t bother her as much as the complete lack of memories from the previous night. She doesn’t remember entering her room or going to bed. She has no clue when she and David bid one another good night, and she can’t shake the sense of dread that something terrible happened.

Then Gemma begins receiving pictures and videos of that night with David, select snapshots and clips that put her in compromising situations. Gemma is horrified and tries to contact David. Her efforts to find him fail, but she makes a connection with someone else from her past. As Gemma works with this new person to figure out what happened, she’ll find herself facing her worst fear and weaknesses.

Author Mary Torjussen comes back with a strong novel after last year’s Gone Without a Trace. In this new book, she lays down the foundation for what seems at first a typical thriller. In fact, some of the story elements do follow the tropes of the genre. Then, halfway through the story, Torjussen takes an unexpected detour.

Readers will love the twists as they come along. Gemma’s greatest ally starts out as her greatest enemy; even as the two form a relationship, readers may doubt with every step that they have actually become friends. It’s a sign of the genre as well as our current times that makes it difficult to believe two people on opposite sides of an issue can come together to fight the greater evil. Torjussen resists all temptation to take the cliché route and gives readers a protagonist they can root for all the way to the end.

Getting to that point takes a little bit of patience, however, because it comes halfway through the book. Gemma spends a reasonable amount of time questioning the reason for the pictures and videos, but she spends a little too much time wondering what to do. When the first major twist happens in the story, the pace picks up.

Once again Torjussen chooses first person point of view for her characters, but she’s improved the balance between internal dialogue and external events. Even as Gemma sits and thinks about how her life could possibly have reached this point, readers will get the sense that something is about to happen and it usually does. Despite her husband and office colleagues coming across as stock characters, Gemma herself is real and well-rounded.

All in all, I think readers will enjoy The Girl I Used to Be and recommend they Bookmark it!
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Reviewed in the United States on September 27, 2020
If you are a fan of twisty thrillers you will enjoy this book. I read the entire book in one day. Couldn’t put it down.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2018
There were several times in the first half of this book that I almost gave up on it. It was incredibly slow moving. I thought there was too much boring day to day as well as too much of Gemma whining about what would happen if her husband found out she'd lied about her activities at an out of town conference, drank too much, and did who knows what the rest of the night. She also couldn't decide whether her life was great or horrible; her husband wonderful or a lazy slob. It got tedious. The second half definitely picked up the pace and the excitement. I was quite surprised by many of the twists that popped up. If the whole book had been paced like the second half, I would have liked it a lot more.

Thanks to Penguin's First to Read program for a copy of this book.

Top reviews from other countries

Kate C
5.0 out of 5 stars The Girl I Used to Be
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 19, 2021
Well she did it again! Mary Torjussen is 2 for 2.
The majority of the last 48 hours I have spent reading The Closer You Get and The Girl I Used To Be (see my previous review fir my thoughts on The Closer You Get)
The Girl I Used To Be was another book that I was unable to put down and was completely hooked with after the first chapter.
Everyone that was ever a teenager knows how teenage house parties can get and this story starts with one that is absolutely as bad as it can get!
Years later, Gemma is running a successful business and has husband Joe and son Rory at home - her life couldn’t be more different from the girl she was and the trauma of the house party.
Unfortunately for her, when she meets potential client David at work she finds herself lying to her husband and her life starts to unravel.
This is only the second book I have read by this author and I have loved both of them. There is no such thing as a slow burn in either of the two books I have read. For me, they are the perfect books as they gallop along at the pace I love a story to have to keep me interested. I did figure out the twist in this book but that did not detract from my enjoyment of the story at all.
Gone Without a Trace has already been downloaded to my kindle and I can’t wait to get stuck in to book number 3 in the morning.
4 people found this helpful
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Jacob Collins
4.0 out of 5 stars Mary Torjussen knows how to write suspense...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 16, 2018
Mary Torjussen knows how to write suspense. Her latest novel, The Girl I Used To Be is a book you can easily fly through in an afternoon. It is a character driven drama and she puts her protagonist, Gemma in a terrifying situation that is going to be very difficult for her to work her way out of.

What Mary does so well with her characters, is that she puts very ordinary people in very frightening but believable scenarios. Her protagonist, Gemma owns an estate agent’s, so she and her colleagues are dealing with members of the public near enough every day. But it dawns on them in this book that they never really know quite who they are dealing with. This is what Gemma finds out when she becomes involved with one particular client who threatens to put her own security in danger. However she soon begins to realise that she really has no idea who she has become involved with and that he might be more dangerous than she previously thought possible.

Gemma was a character who I could root for throughout the book. She is a strong lead, having to run a business and be solely responsible in providing for her family’s income as her husband, Joe doesn’t work. Instead he stays at home to look after their son Rory. I have to admit that this was what I really didn’t like about Joe and I found him a difficult character to get on with. I don’t think he quite comes across as lazy in the book but for now he is very set in his ways and his routine and I did keep thinking to myself, surely Gemma could do better.

Mary’s plot and writing is highly addictive from the first page. I stayed up reading way too late as I waited to find out what was going to happen to Gemma. At the beginning of the novel there is a scene which takes place fifteen years earlier at a party which she attended to celebrate finishing her A-level exams. I was intrigued to learn how this scene was going to become relevant to the plot later on and things do begin to become clearer as Mary delves into the lives of her characters. I was able to guess one of the twists but it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of the story as I was still interested to find out what was going to happen to Gemma and how she was going to deal with the situation.

If you’re a fan of psychological dramas, I highly recommend The Girl I Used To Be. Mary pulls you into the plot and into the lives of her characters and you will want to keep turning the pages to find out what happens to them. I can’t wait to read what she writes next.
5 people found this helpful
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Lynda Kelly
5.0 out of 5 stars Well Worth The Wait
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 5, 2018
I loved her first story and didn't think she'd top that but I enjoyed this one even more. It was well worth the wait....I was very impatient for its release as I preordered it last April for a November release and then it got put back 6 months !! I was gutted !
I did get pretty irritated by Gemma, our victim, at times. A lot of her issues were down to her own actions. She had everything, really. She was one of these women who wanted a baby and then wanted her career as well, so hubby was a stay-at-home dad. Then she did nothing but bleat about not seeing her son enough. Women's Lib has a lot to answer for, I think.....anyway, she did get my back up a few times. I did get a little tired by how often she was tired as well. The story's a real pageturner, though, trust me, and there are plenty of shockers along the way. So very cleverly done.
There was an oft-repeated error I wondered at. She kept writing "an flat" as opposed to "a flat". Quite surprised that got through any editing process. She's gone with American spelling throughout, too. Just once she added a set of needless speechmarks but again, her presentation is pretty much flawless.
At one point Gemma's advised not to click on a link in an email she received but to type it into the address line herself. I assumed that was a security tip but I've not heard of that before. Perhaps someone reading this review might know ? She also mentioned wakes being held before funerals whereas I always thought they were afterwards.
I laughed aloud at the mention of watercolour paints and also got a kick out of the spa game. I will be looking forward to her next book, although need to resign myself to a long wait now.
4 people found this helpful
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anon
3.0 out of 5 stars Good but not amazing
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 7, 2020
It was an interesting read but I prefer those books that are hard to put down. Like I had to force myself to hurry up and finish the story. The 2nd half is more interesting than the 1st half.
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Anna
4.0 out of 5 stars Good
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 24, 2021
Really enjoyed reading this book
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