I'm gay. It took me 5 decades to accept it. In the process, I lost my family. This book was too real for me at times - what might have been my fate had I traveled a different path than I did. It tells the tale of a young gay man when he was 17-19 years old. The author hails from the Ozarks. Bible Belt area. His family is very religious, fundamentalist Baptists. The father, owned and ran a generational cotton gin business, then had an interest in a car dealership, where the boy worked, until he hears a calling from God. His dad decides to become an ordained Baptist minister. What I'm trying to say is conditions, even in the early 2000, were not optimal for this gay son/young man.
Garrard, the author, has a girlfriend in HS. She's from his church and everyone approves including the parents. Being gay (and I know this from experience) the last thing he wants is an intimate relationship with her. When the girl starts to make the moves sexually........he backs off and ends it. This is right before college, which the parents are paying for.
We're told that the Garrard was same sex attracted from an early age with his first "crush" being a male teacher. As many gay boys/men seem to be, he longs to be normal, straight or "not gay", not different. At college he tried to shy away from gay related activities but deep down he has desires, fantasies, etc. He's a normal gay young man. Garrard befriends another boy who takes him to a Pentecostal church. The relationship is just budding when this "friend" literally rapes him. No consensual sex, no foreplay - rape. To make it all the worse, the rapist "outs" him to his parents. Garrand is traumatized doubly over, his parents beside themselves given their beliefs to learn their only child, their son is gay.
The rest for the book covers "Love in Action" an offshoot of "Exodus International" a now debunked and disreputable organization and their theory(s) that gays can be "cured" of their same sex attraction. No F-ing way can this be done. I know from personal experience. You are what you are for whatever reason: DNA, life experiences, chromosomes, mothers pregnancy, whatever. My belief is God made me this way for whatever reason. Why? I hope to be able to ask Him some day.
The strain on this young mans life was enormous. His father threatened to yank his only child's/son's college and home away from him. Everything for this young man was at stake. I won't go into details of the therapy.....but it's depressing and, from my perspective, outrageous among other things I could say.
Bottom line, no happy ending but there was some light at the end of the tunnel. When pushed against the wall at one therapy session Garrard has had enough, starts walking and never looks back. Gets his phone and calls his one and only ally in this sordid story: his mother. Garrard finishes college. Semi reconciles with his family......dad? Not so much. There's still love there however. What is finished right now or at the time of the book's writing anyway is that Garrard is done with God, done with religion - any religion.
I'm glad I read the book. I learned quite about about one man's struggle with being outed and his own personal battle complete with reparative therapy. I was also glad to be finished with it because it hit too close to home for me - made me anxious, upset and depressed.
Bottom line, I'd recommend this book highly, especially if your gay, know someone who is or support gay rights and the fact that we are just people, who happen, through no fault of our own, to be attracted to the same sex.
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Reviews with images
Good read, great movie
I randomly found the movie on Netflix and loved it. This is a good book, but a very rare case where the film was better. I enjoyed the tension between Jay and the narrator that wasn’t present in the movie, and the assault scene in the book was very powerful, but there was a little too much scripture and church in the book. As a southern Baptist, liberty university gay…maybe it just hit too close to home. It is a little niche in that respect. But definitely watch the movie!
Top reviews from the United States
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Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2018
Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2023
I randomly found the movie on Netflix and loved it. This is a good book, but a very rare case where the film was better. I enjoyed the tension between Jay and the narrator that wasn’t present in the movie, and the assault scene in the book was very powerful, but there was a little too much scripture and church in the book. As a southern Baptist, liberty university gay…maybe it just hit too close to home. It is a little niche in that respect. But definitely watch the movie!
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Top reviews from other countries
Phelipe
A very touching testimony of how an oppressive theology can be harmful
Reviewed in Brazil on June 16, 2019
