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Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse Kindle Edition

by Ruth A. Tucker (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.1 112 ratings

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Ruth Tucker recounts a harrowing story of abuse at the hands of her husband—a well-educated, charming preacher no less—in hope that her story would help other women caught in a cycle of domestic violence and offer a balanced biblical approach to counter such abuse for pastors and counselors.

Weaving together her shocking story, stories of other women, and powerful stories of husbands who truly have demonstrated Christ’s love to their wives, with reflection on biblical, theological, historical, and contemporary issues surrounding domestic violence, she makes a compelling case for mutuality in marriage and helps women and men become more aware of potential dangers in a doctrine of male headship.

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Zondervan
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March 1, 2016
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Editorial Reviews

Review

I first knew Ruth Tucker as a colleague when she was much closer to the beginning of the story she recounts in this book. Ironically (or providentially), it was when she joined a team of women scholars working on a volume whose subtitle was Facing the Challenge of Gender Reconciliation. In Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife, she recounts the messy but also redemptive details of her own struggle with domestic violence---a topic that, one way or another, affects us all. This is a very courageous account that should motivate readers to action, even as it may disturb them. -- Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen, professor (emerita) of psychology, Eastern University -- Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen

About the Author

Ruth A. Tucker (PhD, Northern Illinois University) has taught mission studies and church history at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and Calvin Theological Seminary. She is the author of dozens of articles and eighteen books, including the award-winning From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife

My Story of Finding Hope After Domestic Abuse

By Ruth A. Tucker

ZONDERVAN

Copyright © 2016 Ruth A. Tucker
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-52498-4

Introduction: Opening the Curtain of Domestic Violence, 11,
1. Moving beyond Headship Debates: Finding Common Ground in Storytelling, 15,
2. Pollution in Paradise: A Snake in the Garden of Perfection, 29,
3. Mutuality in Living Color: Fashioning a Marriage Based on Equality, 41,
4. Abuse of Power: Perversions in the Name of Patriarchy, 55,
5. What If Women Ruled the World? Celebrating Gender Differences, 69,
6. Was John Calvin a Feminist? Theologians and Women's Equality, 85,
7. The Rule of Thumb: Do Women Enjoy Equal Justice under the Law?, 99,
8. Standing against Cultural Misogyny: Assessing Ethnic Differences, 115,
9. Fifty Shades of Rape: Is There Ever Legitimate Rape in Marriage?, 129,
10. Risky or Reliable? Couples Counseling for Domestic Violence, 143,
11. Two to Tango? The Burden of Shame, Blame, and Guilt, 161,
12. Vows of Mutuality: Enjoying Equality in Marriage, 173,
Afterword: Tackling the Tough Questions, 189,
Acknowledgments, 193,
Notes, 195,

CHAPTER 1

moving beyond headship debates

Finding Common Ground in Storytelling

In all debates, let truth be thy aim, not victory, or an unjust interest.

WILLIAM PENN

I was wound up. An energizer bunny. Tingling with excitement — maybe even a tad nervous. It was seven o'clock on the night of October 25, 1995. The setting, Pierce Chapel at Wheaton College. As I looked out over the crowd, it appeared as though all nine hundred seats were filled — students standing up and down the outer aisles and in the rear, stretching as far as I could see into the vestibule. The event had been well publicized. Though not necessarily the mother of all debates or the debate of the decade, word had obviously gotten out. I was there to face off against Dr. John Piper. The plan was not for a formal debate. Rather, we were each given an allotted amount of time to speak to the question, Should marriage be based on a model of mutual submission and equality or on a model of male headship?

I look over the text of my address today, two decades later, and nod my head in agreement, while scolding myself here and there for using the passive voice or a weak verb. But the position I took then has changed very little. Yet I wonder about the value of such debates. Would it have been better if John and I had each sat down in an easy chair on that stage and told our stories, while at the same time speaking to biblical and theological issues? But that was not the format. If I were to debate today, I would say some of the same things but take a very different approach.

And today I would certainly hope that any thought of victory would be excised from my mind. It felt good when students cheered, but as I recall, most of the students seemed to have come with their minds already made up. The majority of those who supported mutuality in marriage no doubt thought I won the debate, and vice versa. When we contemplate Christian marriage today, the stakes are high. Little is accomplished by winning or losing in a public forum.

It was perhaps mere coincidence that John Piper and I each presented our positions in ten points, mine in the form of questions. My first eight questions briefly answered common misunderstandings related to mutual submission and headship in marriage. My ninth question asked if mutual submissi

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B010R0I6DU
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan (March 1, 2016)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 1, 2016
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1003 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Up to 5 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 198 pages

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Alicia Crumpton

Domestic Abuse

Reviewed in the United States on September 29, 2022

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Tucker, R. A. (2016). black and white bible, black and blue wife: My story of finding hope after domestic abuse. Zondervan.

Dr. Ruth Tucker holds a PhD in History from Northern Illinois University, an MA in American Studies from Baylor University, and a BA in History from LeTourneau University. A Christian, noted professor of mission studies and church history, who while married to a preacher experienced domestic violence. This book tells her story while simultaneously analyzing issues arising from her Christian context. I wish she had told her story (part 1) and then dived into the hermeneutical issues, justifications, and reinforcement (part 2) that she observed. This would have helped with some of the disjointedness experienced while reading. Some observations about justifications made within the Christian context:

- "Wives submit to your husbands" - Scriptures used as justification for hierarchical view.
- Male headship, women subordination put forth as biblical.
- A God honoring marriage is lived out till death do us part. Scriptural views of marriage put forth as rationale to remain with an abusive husband.
- Abused women asked for it. John Piper quoted as stating: "A wife who comes on strong with her advice will probably drive a husband into passive silence or into active anger."
- Women defy authority of men when they exercise power or refute the headship argument. Bruce Ware stated, "women victims of domestic violence were often to blame for their own abuse because they were failing to submit to their husband's authority."
- Female blame as much as female guilt is so much a part of our culture and worldview that we aren't even aware of it.

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Jeff Crippen

Get this Book, Disregard the Negative Reviews

Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2016

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Disregard all the negative reviews here. I am a pastor, conservative in my theology and for years now have, along with Barbara Roberts, led the ministry of A Cry for Justice both at our blog and through the books we have published ourselves. All that to say, we know what we are talking about when it comes to domestic violence hiding in the pews of local churches. Ruth Tucker has provided a welcome addition to the resources available that are exposing this evil among us. Ruth has approached the subject a bit differently than most. Instead of minutely parsing and examining Greek words and syntax in the New Testament, she tells her story and calls for the reader to compare her experience, and the sad experience of other abuse victims in the church, to their conclusions about what the Bible really teaches regarding marriage, divorce, remarriage, and so forth. While holding to the belief in the inspiration and authority of Scripture, she proposes a model of "mutuality" between husband and wife. She defends the Apostle Paul against the common charges of misogyny, asserting that she loves Paul in fact.

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife will open your eyes to the wickedness of the abuser as he hides among us in the church, working his evil behind the scenes while wearing a guise of "holiness." For those negative reviewers who seem to believe that such a scenario is rare, I can certainly announce that it is anything but rare. Men (less commonly women) who are defined by a profound sense of entitlement to the possession of power and control are found in virtually every local church where they are left unchallenged.

Does complementarianism (ie, husband is an authoritative head, wife is to obey him) promote domestic abuse in "Christian" marriages? The answer is most certainly "yes," because most typically it fails to clearly teach what "head" and "submit" (see Ephesians 5) really mean, thus leaving the abuser to a sense of justification in abusing his wife.

And before critics dismiss me, along with Ruth Tucker, as "typical egalitarians who deny the authority of Scripture" let me say you are wrong. I believe Ephesians 5 and every other Scripture as the authoritative word of God, and I saw nothing in Ruth's book that would indicate she believes anything less than that.

Get this book. Read it. And weep over the gross injustice being done to abuse victims by that which claims to be the body of Christ.

55 people found this helpful

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Philip A Gottschalk

Breath taking

Reviewed in the United States on October 28, 2017

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Ruth tells her personal story of marital abuse. It is hair raising and intensely sad. There is no doubt that her first husband’s behavior was far less than the love of Christ for his church. The book raises many valuable questions which must be answered. Her book is not intended to be a complete answer to Complementarianism. She has written much about Complementarianism and Egalitarianism elsewhere. However, whether one agrees with her main contention, it is worth considering carefully: Are there those in the church who use male headship as a cover up for abuse? and Does the Complementarian view of male headship in marriage engender spousal abuse.

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Jennifer R

It's an excellent read for theology students

Reviewed in Canada on January 25, 2017

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This is a must read especially for Christian women who are dealing with the impacts of interpersonal violence within the home. The book openly discusses how the patriarchal values carried within churches (reflective of those within the larger society) have historically disempowered women through shaming and blaming. Her book clearly relays how this is internalized by victims and so often keeps them within this cycle of violence,
Ruth's story is that of an was an academic professor whose pastor husband was violently abusive (spiritually, emotionally, sexually, and physically). It is a chilling story of what can and so often happens behind closed doors. It''s through her personal story, we see how she overcomes the barriers of fear, self-judgement, and shame to release herself and her child from this.

Her reflections in the book question the traditional patriarchal perspectives tied into fundamentalist interpretations of the bible that obscure the being, value, and purpose women bring into the community. This leaves them extremely vulnerable, and further marginalizes them. It contains a wealth of information about women within the bible - information that is often left out in the story telling. It also discusses what theological issues need to be addressed in order to change the pervasive culture of silence around interpersonal violence and free those caught within it.
As with so many survivors, Ruth's courage, strength, determination, and resiliency come through in her book, and in her life beyond the book. It's an excellent read for theology students & academics, survivors. and others wishing to know how they can be the change. .

Ms. Janel R. Andrews

Fighting to get free and find her voice

Reviewed in Canada on March 22, 2018

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There were many elements of this book that I appreciated. The hardest part of me was that Ruth lived through this awful abuse, and we often not given the means or voice to get away. She speaks of the dangers of taking scripture out of context to justify abusive situations, particularly in a Christian context. Thankfully she finds herself engaged in a much healthier relationship now. There were some points that I struggled with, but perhaps my perspective is different because they have not been a part of my life.

Joanna

Useful, but disjointed.

Reviewed in Canada on September 24, 2016

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This book had the potential to be momentous. And while not wanting to diminish the telling of abuse, I found her writings to be disjointed. I was left wondering what she was trying to accomplish in this book, a book that is on an extremely important subject. Was she wanting to discredit male headship doctrine? Was she wanting to show how it fails the woman in a marriage? Was she wanting simply to share the truth of her own experience-- (of which I was wishing for more details)?? There were just too many foci in this book for me to remain focused. Still a useful read. It is always important to listen to the recounting of anise and the circumstances that made it possible.

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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife

My Story of Finding Hope After Domestic Abuse

ZONDERVAN

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