What would you say if I told you that there was an essential life skill that could make you a better speaker, help you nail job interviews, get you better dates, improve your performance, and make you a better partner and parent? What if I told you that no one has ever bothered to teach you this skill, mostly because we didn't even know what it was? That secret skill is presence, "the state of feeling connected with our own thoughts, values, abilities, and emotions, so that we can better connect with the thoughts, values, abilities, and emotions of others." And Amy Cuddy's book can teach this state of "self-assured enthusiasm" to you and a whole lot more.
For example, just last month, my professional singer friend Valerie was terrified of her upcoming auditions because of crippling stage fright. Right about that time, I was fortunate to attend a talk by Amy Cuddy on her new book. Valerie couldn't attend, so I gave her an advance copy of "Presence" that Amy had kindly given us. Valerie watched Amy's TED talk, read half of the book, executed the "power pose" (i.e. expansive body postures like the 'Wonder Woman' and the 'Usain Bolt' held for 2min) and "self-affirmation of core values" techniques right before her auditions, and nailed 'em: three auditions, three jobs booked. And it all worked *that* fast.
People -- this is life-changing stuff.
As a therapist and speaking coach, I've been teaching Amy's material to to students and clients for a few years, so I was thrilled to hear that she's putting her knowledge into book form. If there were a central premise to the book, it would be this: "The lesson is clear: focus less on the impression you’re making on others and more on the impression you’re making on yourself. The latter serves the former, a phenomenon that should become clearer and clearer throughout this book." Here are some of the things I like about it:
-- Ample illustration of the concepts with real-life stories of folks from all over the world who have overcome huge challenges using the "Presence" techniques -- all the way from grade-school kids, to people stuck in bad relationships, to Icelandic show horses (really)
-- The author's generosity and vulnerability in sharing of her own stories, e.g her painfully slow recovery from a brain-damaging college car accident and her own struggle with Impostor Syndrome
-- It's a fantastic compendium of the relevant science on how the body affects the mind, all in jargon-free, highly accessible form, from the leading scientists of the day.
Of course, the main reason I read a book is to learn cool new useful stuff. And even though this book is smack-dab in my own field of work, I still learned a ton (took 19 pages of notes!). Here are some tidbits I particularly appreciated:
-- The cortisol-testosterone dual hormone hypothesis: you're most effective when you have high testosterone and low cortisol
-- We usually think that confidence leads to decisions and thoughts drive behavior. But a surprising amount of the time, it's the other way around: decisions create confidence and behavior creates thoughts.
-- 80% of all fibers from the vagus nerve go from the body to the brain, not the other way around. Body changes mind!
-- The more people use the word "I", the less powerful and sure of themselves they are likely to be.
-- "Ultimately, participants’ speaking rate had an inverse relationship with how powerful they felt. That is, the more slowly they read the sentences, the more powerful, confident, and effective they felt afterward." Speak slowly to feel powerful!
-- Hunched over posture of staring at smartphones ("iPosture") kills both your mood and your productivity.
-- Why new year’s resolutions don’t work
-- Loved the section on self-nudges: little, incremental ways to change our behavior for the better.
-- "The three most important things to understand about the self, particularly as it relates to presence. The self is: 1. Multifaceted, not singular. 2. Expressed and reflected through our thoughts, feelings, values, and behaviors. 3. Dynamic and flexible, not static and rigid."
But wait: there's a bonus to Valerie's story. Now that she's back home for Christmas, Valerie's newfound adoption of more empowering posture is transforming her relationship with her sometimes difficult mother (which I'm sure none of you have, but just in case). Applying the teachings of this book can directly affect your relationships, performances, credibility, work, interviews, impostor syndrome, lie detection abilities, and overall mood. That's some important stuff, and "Presence" offers simple, practical, effective solutions to challenges in those areas of life. That's why I'm telling everyone about this book and buying a stack of 'em to press into the hands of my friends. It's quite possible that you, too, will feel compelled to give your friends the gift of a core skill for success after reading "Presence."
-- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., Happiness Engineer, author of
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible
, the highest-rated dating book on Amazon for 4+ years
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Popular Highlights in this book
The strongest predictors of who got the money were these traits: confidence, comfort level, and passionate enthusiasm.Highlighted by 5,300 Kindle readers- When you are not present, people can tell. When you are, people respond.Highlighted by 4,283 Kindle readers
- The lesson is that trust is the conduit of influence, and the only way to establish real trust is by being present.Highlighted by 4,019 Kindle readers
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Great read
Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenge is full of proven examples of how posture and body language in general affects the way we think about ourselves and others. As a result of reading the book I pay much more attention to how people present themselves and how I present myself. I have not had the "change your life in an instant" experience like many of the examples, but I do think it helps, if for no other reason than to be more self aware..
Top reviews from other countries
Augusto Duarte
Helped me to deal with PTSD and to know my true self
Reviewed in Brazil on January 16, 2023
Ashima Jain
Simple tips to overcome fears and inhibitions and in turn, feel powerful
Reviewed in India on November 28, 2018
DTrandy
Looking for growth, confidence, self awareness and inspiration, then this is the book for you.
Reviewed in Australia on November 1, 2017