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Caring for Red: A Daughter's Memoir Paperback – September 13, 2016

by Mindy Fried (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 9 ratings
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Eric Hoffer Book Award Finalist, 2018

Caring for Red is Mindy Fried's moving and colorful account of caring for her ninety-seven-year-old father, Manny--an actor, writer, and labor organizer--in the final year of his life. This memoir chronicles the actions of two sisters as they discover concentric circles of support for their father and attempt to provide him with an experience of "engaged aging" in an assisted living facility.

The story is also that of a daughter of a powerful and outspoken man who took risks throughout his life and whose political beliefs had an enduring impact on his family. (After Manny was called before the House Un-American Activities Committee, he was blacklisted and his family was shunned.)

As an actor, Manny was affiliated with Elia Kazan's Group Theatre and the Federal Theatre Project. He did Shakespeare, Chekhov, and Ibsen, and played everything from the tormented father in Arthur Miller's All My Sons to an infant in a baby carriage in Thornton Wilder's Infancy, from the Rabbi in Fiddler on the Roof to--poignantly for this book--the role of Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie.

As she devotes herself to caring for her dying father, Mindy grapples anew with the complexity of their relationship. She questions whether she can be there for him and how to assert her own voice as her father's caregiver in his last days.
Previous page
  1. Print length
    200 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Vanderbilt University Press
  4. Publication date
    September 13, 2016
  5. Dimensions
    5.9 x 0.6 x 8.9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0826521169
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0826521163
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Raw and real. Anyone who has experienced caregiving can appreciate Mindy Fried's story. I was reminded of Roz Chast's Can't We Talk about Something More Pleasant? Both books help caregivers to feel less alone and to put the life course in perspective, and both Fried and Chast offer helpful advice along the way."
--Meika Loe, author of Aging Our Way: Lessons for Living from 85 and Beyond and The Rise of Viagra: How the Little Blue Pill Changed Sex in America

"A deeply moving account of the rewards and challenges that emerge as an adult child becomes the caregiver for a beloved and formerly fiercely independent parent. The practical lessons Fried learned will be especially helpful to the millions of Americans facing this transformation in the future."
--Stephanie Coontz, author of The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap

"Mindy Fried has written a moving and insightful memoir about being a long-distance caregiver (with her sister) for her ninety-seven-year-old father in the last year of his life in an assisted living facility in Buffalo, New York. She has also captured the meaning of his life as a union activist, playwright, actor, late-life student, and teacher. Fried's book offers compelling testimony on behalf of her adored but difficult father. As his caregiver she honored him as a father, and with her memoir, as a seeker for justice."
--Carol Levine, Director, Families and Health Care Project, United Hospital Fund, and editor of Living in the Land of Limbo: Fiction and Poetry about Family Caregiving

About the Author

Mindy Fried, a sociologist, is Co-Principal of Arbor Consulting Partners. She is the author of Taking Time: Parental Leave Policy and Corporate Culture.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Vanderbilt University Press (September 13, 2016)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 200 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0826521169
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0826521163
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.9 x 0.6 x 8.9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 9 ratings

About the author

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Mindy Fried

Mindy Fried

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Mindy Fried, Ph.D. is a sociologist, and Principal of Arbor Consulting Partners (www.arborcp.com). She is the author of Caring for Red: A Daughter's Memoir (Vanderbilt University Press) and Taking Time: Parental Leave Policy and Corporate Culture (Temple University Press).

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
9 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent read
Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2017
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Mindy Fried is a sociologist who can write like a novelist. She employs both skills to offer an excellent memoir, which one might also find in the self-help section of the bookstore. She describes her experiences as the daughter of Manny Fried, a long-time labor organizer, playwright, teacher, actor and all-round strong political presence in Buffalo. While the window into the story is her efforts at managing care for her father from a distance in the last stage of his life, the reflections on her relationship with him through the years are fascinating, including her account of experiencing her father being summoned to testify before the House UnAmerican Activities Committee and his defiance as well as her fears. She adds to the account, though, with her sociological eye, giving us fresh insights on the challenges of dealing with aging parents and their needs, both physical and emotional. Definitely worth reading, especially for anyone with aging parents or interested in the political/personal history of an important figure in labor history.
One person found this helpful
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J. Fried
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent read on a very difficult, important, subject
Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2017
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Before beginning my review i want the reader to know that Mindy and i are cousins, but i don't think it has colored my review in any way.

I think this is an important book that takes on a very difficult subject, the passing of an aged love one, through the lens of the author's relationship with her father. While sharing the logistics of caring for her father she also shares her efforts to resolve familial issues with her father and discusses hers, and her father's, personal growth through this period.

Mindy writes well. She conveys the complexity of her relationship with her father with grace and respect. Throughout the book i felt i had access to her, her father, and the issues that they faced.

I am grateful that Mindy took the considerable effort involved in writing this book. Mindy's attention to the practical issues along with her emotional honesty made this a great read.
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Myrna S. Greenfield
5.0 out of 5 stars Absorbing story of caring for a remarkable but difficult father
Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2017
Verified Purchase
This story of Mindy Fried's experience as a long-distance caregiver for her elderly father interweaves her complicated history with "Red" with detailed advice for anyone who is caring for a loved one. If you're struggling with the many challenging decisions that need to be made through all stages of caregiving, Fried's insights into elder care will be useful. Even those of us who aren't currently a caregiver, however, will be absorbed by her loving portrait of her brilliant, complex father. Although I've known Mindy Fried for years, I didn't know she'd grown up as a "red diaper baby." I'd always imagined that children of radical parents grew up with more love and purpose than the rest of us, until I read about the shattering impact that her father's testifying in front of the House Un-american Activities Committee had had on their family. It's always fascinating to observe how the choices we make affect our lives, so I appreciated Fried's willingness to share her experiences.
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Kerroo
5.0 out of 5 stars we should all have advocates like Mindy and her sister
Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2016
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When we are old and growing infirm, we should all have advocates like Mindy and her sister. As befits a social scientist her story is rich with detail and interwoven with a lifetime of memories of her complicated family. Her father, a labor organizer, communist, playwright and professor, her mother an artist from a wealthy family in Buffalo, Mindy's life as a dancer, mother and social scientist. It is also a primer on how to navigate medicare, different levels of care, long term care insurance and so much more. A highly nuanced and riveting memoir.
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Libbie Shufro
5.0 out of 5 stars Caring for Red: A Daugher's Memoir was an extraordinary ...
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2016
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Caring for Red: A Daugher's Memoir was an extraordinary read. The stories were poignant, the observations candid, and the writing was vivid of this many layered story,. Compelling, and insightful, I found this book full of human contradictions ---the pleasures, pains, and politics-- between different generations of a progressive and artistic Jewish family.
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Peter Snoad
5.0 out of 5 stars Moving, insightful and constructively provocative
Reviewed in the United States on September 17, 2016
Mindy Fried has written a wonderful and moving account of caring for her 97-year-old father in the last year of his life. She seamlessly interweaves colorful stories of her childhood and the divisive impact on her and her family of the McCarthy-era persecution of her locally famous (and infamous) Dad -- union organizer, Communist, actor, playwright -- with poignant accounts of her father's final days in an assisted living facility. And she brings her sociologist's lens, as well as a loving daughter's perspective, to bear on the difficult choices she and her sister had to make to ensure that their father had the most compassionate, humane, and loving care they could possibly provide. I highly recommend this book to anyone facing a similar challenge -- which, at one time or another, is pretty much all of us. Warm, touching, insightful and constructively provocative.
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Ann M. Handley
5.0 out of 5 stars Honest and Universal
Reviewed in the United States on February 17, 2017
This is a special book. Mindy Fried writes about her own father's colorful, complex life and his eventual death, well into his 90s. Yet she manages to write about his long life and her relationship with him in a way that many of us can relate to. In other words, her story is both specific and universal (as all good writing is).

This is an emotionally honest and never sentimental book. It's not always a *fun* read. But it's always a wonderful read that has deep resonance.
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